Makin' my blorbos smooch is what gets me through the hard times

[socksuke_uchiha]

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Comments

Re: RP WOES

[(Anonymous)]

stop listening to the negative soundtrack blaring in your head that you're bad and everyone hates you.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

this is exactly WHY people don't say stuff like that: because too many sensitive snowflakes take it personally.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

the 2016 fraternal association of chuds called, they'd like their epic own back

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

strange reply

op

[(Anonymous)]

no, i wouldn't take it personally. shit happens, and i've absolutely been in the same spot before. however, i would just like the communication to be honest, especially if i can blatantly see someone is still tagging like crazy

nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

genuine question: when you are in that same place, do you often think about how true it is you say if you're still tagging? Like, do you usually think to yourself "I should mention to everyone that i'm only tagging self-indulgent stuff rn"?

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

da

i rarely see people say things like 'cherry picking tags today' because too many people are overly sensitive about not falling into that category. resentment builds pretty quickly and easily, and 'i wasn't good enough for you on your lazy day, so clearly you think i'm shit' becomes the soundtrack they go by.

i take hints. i go on bs and put up a top level or tag around and see someone who i'm waiting on a reply from tagging fifteen other people, and i figure, 'oh. guess they're not feeling our stuff today. that's okay.' and then i shrug and go on and play around them, because when they want to play, they know where to tag me.

added pressure sure as shit doesn't help with tag stress.

op

[(Anonymous)]

i think i was a bit unclear in my original post. i'm not bothered by taking a break from my threads specifically, that's not a problem and is a pretty normal rp thing. this person told me they aren't responding to my thread because they're away from roleplay entirely right now, but are still tagging out and making new threads on bkst constantly

Re: op

[(Anonymous)]

probably because either they're an anxiety chihuahua, or they think you are, and the idea of being honest with 'only feeling like cherry picking tags' is something they've either had a bad experience of sharing before, or they're worried you'll be upset about it.

like you are. they were trying to do a polite white lie, and you're showing them why you're someone that needs to be 'handled'.

op

[(Anonymous)]

that's fair enough anon, thank you for the honest reality check, i needed it. i am going to go tag some new people.

Re: op

[(Anonymous)]

i appreciate you took that in the way it was meant and not as a personal slight. i hope you have a good tag time.

da

[(Anonymous)]

i'd argue that kind of white lie isn't polite personally and wouldn't ask that person for threads first after that since it feels disingenuous, but i would also say it's a big enough deal that i'd fixate on the player's actions after that.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

bizarre how we simultaneously harp that communication is key in rp, but defend 'white lies' whenever the truth is slightly inconvenient. if we just normalize honesty about our thread bandwidth and/or enthusiasm, we erase the need for white lies when we run into days when a particular thread doesn't click.

transparency helps people understand their thread is still on your TDL, and it also gives them the ability to schedule their own rp capacity around you.

personally, i don't care if someone is boomeranging another thread while leaving mine to chill for a bit, because i understand both time availability and inspiration are fluctuating commodities, and i'd rather my rp partners hit me up when they're feeling the thread and it's sparking joy for them. that said, i don't find it fair or particularly kind to default to the assumption that your rp partner must a babe of the tit who has to be lied to, to remain civil. these kinds of white lies put me off a thread partner.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

White lies are absolutely a necessity in this hobby, people are quite emotionally volatile, and most of us don't know each other THAT well.

na

[(Anonymous)]

they are absolute not lmao

i said this in the last post already but there's a boogeyman in rp about the "oh no how people will react to that!!!!" which is bullshit. people think two or three whiners on anon comms represent the community and it's just that, a tiny loud minority. most people don't care about what you're doing and are happily tagging away, and precisely because they're happily tagging they aren't here complaining about it

remember, we only see the plane crashes on the news, not the thousands of planes that take off safely every day

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

+1

the old bowl of m&m's but one is poisoned thing

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

anon, hopefully this doesn't come off accusatory: the reality of white lies in an environment as low-stakes as dwrp is that it's a tool for those who default to assuming and avoiding conflict. it's absolutely fine if you need to deploy it, because you are the steward of your mental health - it's just ultimately something you have to bear in mind may put off people like me, who don't really have the time or inclination to entertain insincerity. i'm too old for it, and i like to prioritize honest communication with my rp partners and to assume they have the maturity to bear it - or to cut them off, if they prove otherwise.

i'm sure you won't exactly die without my tags (or without those of people who share my opinion), but that's all i'm getting at. white lies don't come without a cost.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

YOU understand it. YOU'RE okay with being told the truth. i can imagine there's more than a handful of people on here who've had a seriously negative experience with being honest about their time management/tag preference, and that's WHY they lie. lying doesn't come naturally to most people, but to save feelings and maybe themselves from someone reacting in a shit manner, 'not feeling rp today' is such a small thing instead of 'not feeling our thread rn and just want to focus on something else', which can lead to days of bullshit.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

sure, but hopefully you can also understand why it'd be a little off-putting to realize you weren't afforded the presumption that you can handle someone setting a normal boundary and were instead managed in this way. it also inevitably creates a precedent and forces me to wonder about other things, like whether (general) you're really enthusiastic about the thread or kink scenario i proposed, or whether maybe you gave me more white lies because you're too polite to tell me otherwise or afraid i'll blow up during a normal interaction.

it creates a layer of second-guessing that i just don't have to do if i can count on my rp partner to be honest in their communication. i do enough reading between the lines at work, so i'd like to reduce that kind of emotional labor in my hobies. that means people like me wouldn't be a good fit for those who prefer to navigate their interaction by way of white lies - and that's fine ig, as there are ultimately enough fish in the sea for all of us.

sa

[(Anonymous)]

*would also say it's not a big enough deal

hours later because i am the king of never reading my own text

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

yeah, i stopped saying that after a former psl partner got up in my face for not tagging our thread back. this was a thread where we'd been doing multiple-paragraph tags and the only stuff that i felt up to tagging at the time were things like texting threads.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

oof. that sucks, anon.

I wish more folks understood that not wanting to tag the thread usually isn't about the other person. If I'm not feeling like tagging a particular thread on a certain day, it's probably because I can't see myself thinking of a good response, not because the tag doesn't deserve one. like, it's a me problem, not a person-tagging-me problem.

it sucks your partner took it the way they did.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

da

people need to be more understanding. i will often put off tagging people on a given day when i have a certain person that is a comfort psl for me that i don't get to tag with regularly who's on and i'll prioritize them.

there's also mood. i can have a few threads with a person and they only tag one because the others are either too intense or there's a mood they aren't feeling. we need to normalize not being everyone's priority at all times. sometimes i'm in a cracky, goofy mood. sometimes i'm in an intense, grimdark mood. sometimes i just want to be shippy/smutty. it's not about the other threads not being good enough, or the players being shit. it's solely about me.

Re: nayrt

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt and yes, exactly. sometimes i'm just tired and don't have the brain or energy for anything more rigorous than stupid texting threads or i'm feeling sad and want some sweet shippy fluff or i'm in a really good mood and don't want to tag something dark and emotional. there's nothing wrong with the thread or the person i'm tagging, it's just not what i'm feeling at that moment and i hate that these days it seems like you can't say that without the other person taking it personally.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

sensitive or not, this isnt good for your mh, bud. you gotta train yourself out of it.