Makin' my blorbos smooch is what gets me through the hard times

[socksuke_uchiha]

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Comments

Re: op

[(Anonymous)]

probably because either they're an anxiety chihuahua, or they think you are, and the idea of being honest with 'only feeling like cherry picking tags' is something they've either had a bad experience of sharing before, or they're worried you'll be upset about it.

like you are. they were trying to do a polite white lie, and you're showing them why you're someone that needs to be 'handled'.

op

[(Anonymous)]

that's fair enough anon, thank you for the honest reality check, i needed it. i am going to go tag some new people.

Re: op

[(Anonymous)]

i appreciate you took that in the way it was meant and not as a personal slight. i hope you have a good tag time.

da

[(Anonymous)]

i'd argue that kind of white lie isn't polite personally and wouldn't ask that person for threads first after that since it feels disingenuous, but i would also say it's a big enough deal that i'd fixate on the player's actions after that.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

bizarre how we simultaneously harp that communication is key in rp, but defend 'white lies' whenever the truth is slightly inconvenient. if we just normalize honesty about our thread bandwidth and/or enthusiasm, we erase the need for white lies when we run into days when a particular thread doesn't click.

transparency helps people understand their thread is still on your TDL, and it also gives them the ability to schedule their own rp capacity around you.

personally, i don't care if someone is boomeranging another thread while leaving mine to chill for a bit, because i understand both time availability and inspiration are fluctuating commodities, and i'd rather my rp partners hit me up when they're feeling the thread and it's sparking joy for them. that said, i don't find it fair or particularly kind to default to the assumption that your rp partner must a babe of the tit who has to be lied to, to remain civil. these kinds of white lies put me off a thread partner.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

White lies are absolutely a necessity in this hobby, people are quite emotionally volatile, and most of us don't know each other THAT well.

na

[(Anonymous)]

they are absolute not lmao

i said this in the last post already but there's a boogeyman in rp about the "oh no how people will react to that!!!!" which is bullshit. people think two or three whiners on anon comms represent the community and it's just that, a tiny loud minority. most people don't care about what you're doing and are happily tagging away, and precisely because they're happily tagging they aren't here complaining about it

remember, we only see the plane crashes on the news, not the thousands of planes that take off safely every day

Re: na

[(Anonymous)]

absolutely foolish to think people are talking about anons and not from personal experience

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

same shit. they've met a whiner once and suddenly that's the end of the world

Re: ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

this answer does not convince me

Re: ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

+1 I want to live in the alternate universe ayrt inhabits where socially maladjusted weirdos aren't painfully common in this hobby

Re: ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

but that's the thing, anon: you don't cross the gate unless you start sidestepping white lies in favor of mature, honest communication. yes, the occasional weirdo and dwrp karen still saunters in, but being clear-cut exorcises them. what is the worst dwrp karen can do to you? start a guilt-trippy passive/actively aggressive tirade that you either a) interrupt if on discord or b) read once in a pm and in both cases respond to with 'it sounds as if i'm not able to meet your threading needs, so i'm happy to put our outstanding threads to bed. thanks for playing with me so far, and let's be in touch if we need to handwave future interaction.'

the na from above

[(Anonymous)]

they aren't painfully common, in over ten years of rp and hundreds of plurk friends, i can count with one hand the times i've had trouble, and that hand is missing a finger. those few whiners were blocked and i moved on. and it's not just personal experience ether, i see people on bakertreet with preference posts listing things that we aren't """""supposed to say aloud"""""" all the time

if 90% of your rp partners are bitching at you, you may be the problem

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

speaking from personal experience, and seeing comments like yours... yeah, people are odd here. it's safer to just back off gracefully and allow both parties to save face rather than initiating confrontation with people you know through plurk in a casual writing hobby. grow up a lil bit maybe anon... your feelings and ego aren't as important as you think.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

+1

the old bowl of m&m's but one is poisoned thing

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

ah yes

the argument commonly used by chuds to justify transphobia and xenophobia

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

anon, hopefully this doesn't come off accusatory: the reality of white lies in an environment as low-stakes as dwrp is that it's a tool for those who default to assuming and avoiding conflict. it's absolutely fine if you need to deploy it, because you are the steward of your mental health - it's just ultimately something you have to bear in mind may put off people like me, who don't really have the time or inclination to entertain insincerity. i'm too old for it, and i like to prioritize honest communication with my rp partners and to assume they have the maturity to bear it - or to cut them off, if they prove otherwise.

i'm sure you won't exactly die without my tags (or without those of people who share my opinion), but that's all i'm getting at. white lies don't come without a cost.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

YOU understand it. YOU'RE okay with being told the truth. i can imagine there's more than a handful of people on here who've had a seriously negative experience with being honest about their time management/tag preference, and that's WHY they lie. lying doesn't come naturally to most people, but to save feelings and maybe themselves from someone reacting in a shit manner, 'not feeling rp today' is such a small thing instead of 'not feeling our thread rn and just want to focus on something else', which can lead to days of bullshit.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

sure, but hopefully you can also understand why it'd be a little off-putting to realize you weren't afforded the presumption that you can handle someone setting a normal boundary and were instead managed in this way. it also inevitably creates a precedent and forces me to wonder about other things, like whether (general) you're really enthusiastic about the thread or kink scenario i proposed, or whether maybe you gave me more white lies because you're too polite to tell me otherwise or afraid i'll blow up during a normal interaction.

it creates a layer of second-guessing that i just don't have to do if i can count on my rp partner to be honest in their communication. i do enough reading between the lines at work, so i'd like to reduce that kind of emotional labor in my hobies. that means people like me wouldn't be a good fit for those who prefer to navigate their interaction by way of white lies - and that's fine ig, as there are ultimately enough fish in the sea for all of us.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

NA and it’s the former examples that get me with this kind of thing. I’m not gonna blow up at anyone who white lies and whether or not someone is feeling tags on a particular day is harmless enough to fib about; the other examples are a lot more serious. I would like to be able to talk to my rp partners and trust what they’re saying when we’re planning out a smut scene or a serious plot, and if I end up feeling like I need to second guess everything my partner says that’s just exhausting.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

I think also the problem is sometimes there's no need to even tell a white lie about it. Just leave it be, tag what you want, if someone comes to you, and they're a close friend then just be honest.

But in reality, not everyone in rp has only good, close friends. ppl are in games, have big groups, and don't always wanna engage deeply. So I guess I get both sides here.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Good point regarding games, being thrown in with a bunch of random strangers, etc.

At this point I think a lot of rpers getting frustrated with these behavior patterns would be doing themselves a favor to just gently distance from the CR that is frustrating them. There's no arguing another rper into tagging faster or paying you (general) more attention in a way that isn't incredibly toxic, so it's better to just go find something else to do. If the player who's not feeling threads or telling white lies or whatever really wants that cr, they are fully capable of reaching out for it too.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

Agreed anon. In the end, the people who love your tags and your writing will make it clear to you.

Re: +1

[(Anonymous)]

idk man, i've def encounter the toxic version of the other side, where someone becomes so accustomed to telling "harmless" white lies that they become an issue in and of itself.

specifically, someone who would constantly lie and say they "lost the tag" when they really just wanted to drop the thread. so of course, in saying that, people would just link them the thread so they could tag it. and when this player "lost the tag" again, it would make the other players feel frustrated, and try to offer solutions to a problem that doesn't actually exist, leading the lying-player to get defensive for being indirectly called out on their lies.

this same lying-player then went on to accuse multiple people of being pushy for linking them their tags, since they obviously couldn't read the liar's mind. and it eventually led to a bunch of people opting out of threading with this player because it just made them look flaky.

sa

[(Anonymous)]

*would also say it's not a big enough deal

hours later because i am the king of never reading my own text