rpanons | i choose to marry the triceratops

i choose to marry the triceratops

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i'm very low energy when it comes to ooc chatter and fandom or thread gushing, and i lose some thread partners who end up gravitating toward people who can provide that, despite their admission that i'm the better and more fun thread writer.

and i get it, people have different needs, and this is clearly what they need to get excited about threading with people. there's no real solution, it just sucks.

yeah, forcing the ooc chatter never tends to work. i tried it with a thread partner last year and while i thought i was speaking to them often enough and very frequently they eventually cut me loose anyway saying that they preferred rp partners who spoke to them more regularly. even my perception of speaking to someone frequently is apparently still far short of the mark for some!

may we meet thread partners who are cool with our lack of chitchat.

da

based on personal experience, you dodged a bullet

anyone I've ever played with who needed to constantly talk about rp all day every day, and felt faulted when I wasn't there immediately, always ended up displaying other red flags

in retrospect months and months after the fact, we really were not a good fit! they preferred to talk about playing and i preferred to play. i don't think it was a red flag so much as they had a different style than me.

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Re: ayrt

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(Anonymous) - 2025-04-13 21:51 (UTC) - Expand

yeah. to me it comes down to: i can use my energy to tag or i can use it to roleplay someone who can excitedly talk about our ship/threads every single day on discord, but i don't have the resources to do both sustainably. i wish i did, i totally understand some people feed off the energy of the ooc chatter to get into the ic mood and rekindle their enthusiasm for their threads. the funny thing is, i'm extremely extroverted and the furthest thing from a wallflower, but i just can't really bring that gumption to this kind of interaction.

yeah, i don't even mind talking oocly but i just don't always maintain that or contact people regularly. as a bright side i will just as happily speak to someone who talked to me yesterday as i will someone who last spoke to me six months ago!

for rp, i am more consistent with tags than ooc chatter. i would say i actually am a bit of an introvert and at most for ooc talk i may like discussing setup of new scenes as needed and little else.

what i noticed is that like half of the people who aren't interested in ooc chatter actually do enjoy ooc chatter, they just prefer to do it with their already established friends. and i get that as we get older people aren't interested in finding new friends anymore but it also hurts when you see them being super excited and vocal with their friends while they keep things with you dry and professional, like it's a work relationship. like yeah, our blorbos have great chemistry and we have written hundreds of threads together that included some wild and extreme kinks - but we gotta draw the line at ever talking to each other ooc.

that's fair, though not really my situation. i'm universally unable to maintain those kinds of energy levels at length, whether with long-term friends or new acquaintances.

sometimes people who already have friends don't want to be your friend and that's sad

my biggest problem with ooc chatter is that a lot of people who put stock into it are the type of people who don't finish their tags. they like to talk about rp but not rp, you know? it also feels like a waste of energy that could be better used to rp

i don't want to talk about rp, i want to rp. and unfortunately people who like to talk about rp tend to be flakes. meanwhile yeah i'll plot oocly a bit but i'd rather put 90% of that energy into rping. time's a wastin'

i wish i could say that's universally been my experience, but i've had some great rp partners who simply drew more energy and mojo from having that ooc engagement and rped better and more reliably for it. they weren't thread droppers or inattentive to their tags all the time, they just couldn't really muster the attention span if you weren't simultaneously hyping them up with talk about the thread, cr or ship oocly.

as someone else who feels this and has the same worries: hang in there, anon. real ones won't care if you're keymashing over threads on plurk. i also find that people who spent a lot of time chatting about rp don't actually tag very often. i'd rather have tags than someone yelling at me on discord. it's totally okay to not have a lot of energy for socailizing.

thanks, anon. it sucks primarily because pretty much everything else is fixable to a degree - you need tags longer/shorter/with more unicorns, i can do my best to implement that feedback. but i know from get-go that if someone needs more ooc engagement in this particular way, it's a little game over, because the most i can do is fake it for a little while, then inevitably fail.

as long as someone is honest about wanting little ooc communication, i have no trouble matching them. ime though many people leave you to guess which is what eventually wards me off and makes me drop them as rp partners. i don't want to guess if someone is just shy and will get upset if they aren't approached all the time or if they genuinely don't wanna talk, it isn't worth it to me.

tbh i've also had bad experiences with "low communicators" not being honest about it but also only ever wanting conversations on their terms, which started to feel draining to me after a while. it felt like i was supposed to be on call for when they were in the rare mood once every other month and welcome them back with open arms, which made the friendship feel bad and uneven.

tl;dr tell people you want very little ooc contact upfront, halfway doesn't work because it only feels pressuring to people who don't wanna communicate much and on the other end it just feels bad to have a dynamic completely on the other person's terms.

i've been fully honest with all my thread partners about my bandwidth, and with most of them it's not a problem. it's just losing the rare few in this way that inevitably feels a little bad, because as i've mentioned above - there's not much i can do to change the situation sustainably.

there's also the unfortunate aspect that sometimes some people appear to be okay with your limited gushing capacity when you're their only tagging resort, then quickly pivot their whole attention to new partners that match their ooc needs more when those emerge. that's only fair and more authentic to their gameplay, but it can leave you with a bit of whiplash and wondering what happened, because you've changed nothing about how you interact or write compared to a week ago, when you were the apple of your thread partner's eye.

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i think you're conflating showing no interest at all with not showing as much interest as some thread partners need, which is what i and many people in this thread are referring to. no one's saying they stonewall people, in fact one example in this thread mention daily interaction. it's just that they clearly aren't able to provide as much of that ooc engagement as their thread partners require, and yes, that will be a matter of personal style. sometimes someone's best effort isn't enough, but it's incredibly uncharitable to describe it as 'icky one-sided vibes.'

speaking on my experiences, i don't think everyone recognizes when they're giving one-sided vibes. in one case i had someone refuse to help me tdm in a game with a character they knew i was going to tdm with... because their friend last minute decided to tdm the same character and they wanted to app with them.

i doubt most people will be that blatant. different people, different experiences, but it felt crappy and when i meet people now with similar habits i just hit eject.

listen I'm all for ooc chatter because it's fun, but I'd never write off an rp partner or someone I'm threading with because they rarely talk to me oocly. now if they do and it seems like they're not that into our threads then I might just back off and not tag them as much moving forward to avoid bothering them.

that's totally fair! i really don't want to make it into us vs them because i actually think people who need that energy boost from ooc chatter are kind of like the gym goers who need a protein bar or small meal to get themselves going before a hard rep. it's just what works for them. it's a pity i can't provide it for them, but i do get it.

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this. it's not fun for me if it feels like the enthusiasm is entirely one-sided.

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