rpanons | something big going down in clown town

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it's their tagging speed and threading pace. they simultaneously tag too slowly for it to be sustainable for me and are only interested in very incremental action and dialogue development, from tag to tag.

i don't expect them to change, but it's not something i can overcome. ime, bringing speed up devolves into hurt feelings, and i don't really want to start something.

adding to this, i did mention my preferences on this topic when we first started threading, so they are not unaware. i've given it a few weeks' shot to see if things improve, but i'm at the point of having to reread the thread to remember what we were even doing whenever i hit it, which makes it hard for me to galvanize my enthusiasm. no shade to them, i just can't keep up like this.

just tell them this tbh. i've done it to thread partners before when they've asked why we stopped writing together, but do it in a way that just keeps it down to the facts. there doesn't have to be an emotional component, yall are just not compatible. they'll be compatible with someone else in the future.

just tell them. they're the one asking about it, so they only have themselves to blame if their feelings are hurt by your honesty. i doubt they will leave you alone until they get an answer.

if it makes it easier you can always frame it as "our tagging speeds aren't compatible and the thread moves too slowly for me to maintain the pace".

you will probably have to make it as clear as you can that you don't want them to try to improve. i've run into people like this and they will probably try to "fix" it just to keep tagging with you because they're desperate/clueless/both, but this inevitably won't actually fix anything because it's their personal style. you might need to be firm with them that you just don't think that threading together will work out, thank them for their time, and then stop responding to their messages or block them.

i've been trying to avoid going too in depth into speed compatibility, because i've seen both here and on plurk people react very defensively to that topic and frequently interpret it as a comment on their time management (or question your life priorities). so i admit i've just been trying to bypass it for my own comfort. but it seems as if it might be the way to go. thank you for your advice!

ayrt

honestly? it's likely they will get defensive about it or take it personally. but if they're not going to get off your back without an answer, it's probably better to just tell them and get it over with rather than dragging things out with tags you don't want o write. i'm sure they'd rather you told them than just ghosted them completely

just be really careful not to make any promises you don't actually intend to keep (like saying "we can tag in the future" or "if you work on it maybe we can have a thread"), even if it feels mean. they're an adult it's not your job to manage their feelings. if you don't want to tag them, they need to understand that no means no. it's a hard lesson but they might need it.

fwiw: i ended up letting them know what my challenge had been, and you were right in your prediction that they'd offer unsustainable fix-its. it took a bit of back and forth for them to accept that the decision remained the same, but it worked out in the end. thanks, everyone.

Honestly, why would people take that any worse than other reasons? Do you feel that way because for you tagging speed is so important? If I wanted to be offended by a reason, it would not be that. We're all different.

"i, an uninvolved individual, would not be offended so why would anyone? we're all different" is such a bizarre comment to make

We can't all be as involved as you are.

what does it mean

a mystery

i feel that way because it reflects my experience. i've seen people both here and on my plurk friend list react negatively and interpret remarks on speed in/compatibility as commentary on them, their commitment to the hobby, their rl and their time management. it's a topic that seems to touch nerves more often than saying we're incompatible because of differences in the canons or scenarios we like to play. you're right that we're all different, but personal experience encouraged me to try a vaguer 'it's not you, it's me, our styles don't mesh' approach first. unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have worked, but like other anons have pointed out, i may have to try honesty while being factual and keeping things short and hopefully kind.

anon, I wouldn't find it offensive and I warn people about my schedule when they hit me up because I know different speeds can tank interest pretty easily

and I'm not saying this to say 'omg my experience is different, you're wrong!!!' but rather to point out that if there's a lot of people on rpa who wouldn't be offended, and 100% of the people you dealt with were fucking offended, that might be a sign you might want to have a trusted friend read your response before you send it to this random person because it's not something inherent to speed issues

i've never had to bring up speed with a rp thread partner in this way before. it's mostly my perception that this is a generally more sensitive issue with rpers after seeing how some conversations went down here and on my plurk friend list, where people were discussing the topic being raised with them by others. this rper has been nothing but exceptionally friendly otherwise, so i could be completely off base in my expectations. i've sent them a reply after everyone's earlier encouragement, so i'll see how they take it.

yeah lmf, I was trying to very politely say that if you regularly have problems with this sort of thing (bringing up something a lot of people think is nbd and offending people) that the problem might be with how you talk to people, not that the subject is some universal sore spot that pisses off everyone

if they aren't offended, then cool, I'm off base, disregard; if they flip out then maybe keep that in mind and find someone you can trust for advice, instead of assuming speed issues piss off everyone universally

i don't get the feeling op means they've offended people just have seen others offended. i have definitely seen some anons here get defensive about their tag speed and have accused people with different paces of being overinvested

that's still likely not everyone but a vocal minority can skew someone's perception, especially if they're seeing comments about it in two different places

something big going down in clown town

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