my werewolf had a buttpuppy

[socksuke_uchiha]

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Comments

[(Anonymous)]

have you guys met online friends irl?

more specifically, have you gone across country to meet an online friend by yourself to stay at their house for a week upon first meeting them?

my friend is doing this and im somewhere between worried and weirded out but i havent mentioned my concerns to her. she's so excited. but is this the new normal? is this what people do these days? am i just that old?

if youve done this before, did it work out okay?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes.

And it's nothing new. I've been online since the early 90s, and there have always been people going on trips to visit online friends. Before that, there were people going on trips to meet snail mail penpals. As long as you take some basic precautions (like making sure you have enough money to bug out if the person turns out to be a complete weirdo or not at all who they presented themself as being) it's not that big a deal.

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

that puts me more at ease, anon. i guess im less behind the times and more just out of touch or something.

[(Anonymous)]

i have done this but with caveats:

- it was for a day, not for a week (i was in my internet pals area for other stuff)
- i've known them for more than 7 years at that point as opposed to your friends... short amount of time? i can't tell how long they've known each other from your comment.

fwiw my bestie and i had a great time together.

i don't think you're "that old" or being too paranoid or anything to be worried about it, but ime it's a bit of a new normal for certain fan events, like going to conventions or cosplaying. it can go either way. i would ask yourself: have you noticed other red flags about the person they're visiting? like your friend being "love-bombed", a weird obsession with talking to the person they're visiting or treating them like they're special, being flaky on you out of nowhere? those in combination with going to go visit them would be more worrisome to me.

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

where the other anon put me at ease, you made me more worried lol

she knew this person as a fanfic writer she loved and ended up bumping into her at a con a couple of months ago. she said she fangirled more at her than anything else at the con, words backed up by tons of pics. she since got into that person's friend group thing and just last weekend told me that she's dating another one of them and wanting to go to her place, too, who is also on the other side of the country. she's also glued to her phone every time i see her now, chatting it up with her new group. I didn't really think that odd other than noting a LOT more of a social media presence from her. not too weird? but she does just stay on her phone whenever we hang out now

inb4 someone calls me jealous. ive wondered if that's my problem too or if its even part of it

so. YEAH idk i want her to be happy about her trip but all of this stuff at once and staying at a strangers house just. idk

[(Anonymous)]

tons of times

but you probably just have general anxiety because i feel concerned about going to meet even my closest friends, lmao. all social situations put a bit of apprehension in me even if i'm excited

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

good point! i haven't been worried enough to do or say anything. just a low simmering mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm feeling lol

[(Anonymous)]

most of the time i meet people for the first time at cons or something where it's very public and you can ollie out to do your own thing if they're weird. i've met people for the first time staying at their house for a few days, which is against my own rules but i was confident that they were who they said they were.

if you're worried about your friend, try to casually ask about it to try to build some confidence for yourself that they're not getting catfished or something. if they've seen lots of pictures that can't be faked/stolen, if the person has other friends who also know them, etc. and if they're definitely who they say they are and you're more worried about the person just being weird irl, just make things as safe for your friend as you can. get the address, full name and phone number of the person they'll be staying with so you could call the police if (god forbid) your friend suddenly disappeared or something. ask your friend to check in with you when they first meet their internet friend. if you can, make your concerns clear to your friend and just let them know that they can call you for help if anything seems off.

[(Anonymous)]

meeting, you should be fine and is totally normal. if you're that worried about it, don't meet alone. we used to do local game meetups at conventions years ago. living with is where things get dicey.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, I have met online friends IRL, and one of those experiences was the horror stories you'd read about. That didn't stop me from meeting people I met online IRL, but I'd never arrange to stay with them overnight by myself since then. I'm okay staying overnight with someone I hadn't met before if I had a couple of friends I do know IRL with me.

I do think your concerns are valid, because there are definitely horror stories that really happened. I hope your friend doesn't have to experience what I did, but I definitely get that you'd feel better if she was staying with someone she is more familiar with or even at a reputable hotel by herself.

[(Anonymous)]

i'm morbidly curious about your horror story now

[(Anonymous)]

I'd prefer not to get into too much detail. It's a pretty classic story of what not to do when meeting people from online and I learned my lesson. The main piece of advice I'd give to people is to not arrange to stay overnight with them alone. Either have trusted friends with you, or arrange to stay elsewhere even if it is more expensive. Being alone in private with the person is where problems tend to happen so that should be avoided until they have shown themselves worthy of trust.

[(Anonymous)]

i've fucked off to a whole different country to stay with an internet friend i was just for the first time meeting, for weeks at a time, multiple times. i know i'm a bit cavalier about it lmao but honestly it's not that hard to stay safe. just vet them beforehand and have contingency plans anyway. a couple of mine turned out to be kinda shitty people so it sucked but never to the point where i've been in danger.

da

[(Anonymous)]

+1 i've done this exact thing too and it's worked out swimmingly

but yeah, it came off knowing them for a while, talking all the time & seeing pictures, and other people having known them for years and met them irl in the past too, so i didn't have any qualms about it

[(Anonymous)]

yeah I've done it a bunch of times! but it's totally fine to be like 'hey just in case can you check in with me, I'll worry otherwise' and I'm sure they'll get that. It's something all friends should do for each other anyway.

[(Anonymous)]

How is this any more dangerous than, say, hailing a taxi. Locked car, total stranger at the wheel. Id be more freaked out by that than someone I at least know the online persona of.

[(Anonymous)]

taxi drivers have to go through some kind of screening and background check. they have medallion numbers and most taxi services now have some kind of system to track fares. there's a lot of structures in place to keep dangerous people out of becoming taxi drivers and to track them down if they do something.

rideshares like uber have a lot less scrutiny which is why they have a lot more instances of drivers assaulting passengers. that would be a better comparison.

[(Anonymous)]

there are also counterfeit medallions and fake names. loads of taxi drivers have been accused of sexual assault. it was a thing for a while. every system has a flaw, anon. ubers and rideshares are probably more accountable because of insurance issues that taxis don't have. (depending on if it's a union cab or company cab or what the system in place for any given cab company is)

they also vary from state to state and country to country. even city to city.

[(Anonymous)]

psst use lyft, they do background checks. i was pretty horrified to learn that uber doesn't.

[(Anonymous)]

i don't go out on my own in the first place so i don't get in taxis alone. and aside from that, you can see the driver and might be able to catch any sketchy vibes early on, and you can hop out or ask to be let off early and find some other ride home.

with meeting online friends, if you haven't got solid proof someone is who they say they are, there's a real chance you could fly cross-country and find yourself stuck with some lunatic. or they could be the person you saw in pictures, but irl they're way different than their online persona. whether they're just creepy or gross or straight up dangerous, you're generally stuck with them hours from home or anyone else you know and completely dependant on them for shelter and food and rides to and from the airport. if you're really uncomfortable, you might be left with no option but calling a taxi and waiting for it to come pick you up and drop money on an early flight home.

[(Anonymous)]

Multiple times, and I've never had any problems with anyone I met. Admittedly I've always known someone for at least a year before I met them in person though.

[(Anonymous)]

done this plenty of times, and been meeting online friends since the early 2000s! sometimes i've even flown to another country to stay with them. a homestay has only gone badly once, and it was more just Slightly Awkward rather than a horror story

with the caveat that i'd known everyone for a while, and there was always a mutual friends circle that had also met them in person &/or had known them for years, so i never doubted that they were who they said they were. like one of the anons above recommended, you could have your friend give you the address and check in with you upon arrival etc, for some peace of mind

but yeah it's definitely a normal thing, as long as reasonable precautions are taken and your friend knows the person pretty well beforehand

[(Anonymous)]

yes. most went okay but i don't trust (wo)manchildren one bit because of bad experiences.

dealt with a womanbaby crying abuse about her very nice and caring mom as if her imaginary abuse was worse than mine, she stole from me and went around telling mutual friends that *i* stole from *her*, and she generally did shitty things and then told her friends that i did those shitty things to her.

she told me she thought i was cute/attractive and i'm not sure if me politely telling her "i'm flattered but i'm not interested in any relationships period atm" had anything to do with her shitheel behavior. i'm leaning toward yes since i'm allegedly "obsessed" with her according to her/her friends and she's "worried" about me stalking her lol.

my good experiences were "okay but kind of forgettable" compared to this psycho.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, started by flying literally all the way across country when I was a teen in the late 90's to visit an online friend only a little older than me for like a week, without any parental supervision along the way. Which, you know, looking back on it I would have never allowed my kid to do but I'm taking on faith my mom checked things out with their mom. Other times included staying with my online gf for two weeks in another country as our first irl meeting. Never had a bad expirience.

Which isn't to say that can't happen, but hopefully your friend has done their research enough to feel confident that the most they have to worry about is awkward personal habits cropping up.

[(Anonymous)]

yes, but not from dwrp

couple of years ago, a big group of us from a certain fandom had a big meetup in japan when there was a big movie release (one of us lived there and played host). it was fun. a bit of social awkwardness going on with some of them but i had a blast. met up with a few of them years ago again too.