rpanons | something big going down in clown town

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friend lifted the curtain for me on all the secret beef that's apparently been going on in our game that i never noticed for months and months. it's all extremely tame poor OOC communication skills + people needing to just step away from the computer to have a lil breather instead of typing words shit, along with some cr cliquery problems

none of what they told me has explicitly involved anyone having beef with me so that's yknow nice but

now i can't help but think about everything they've said to me whenever i exist in the game too visibly, and it's really messing with me.

was really excited to start CR with a friend's new character but

there's absolutely no spark between them in a lot of our threads and it feels like we're pantomiming. i feel so bad and embarrassed because we had great CR in the past but these muses are just not meshing the way we speculated

im so stressed about my entire life situation right now and i just wish things would go right for once so i could stop worrying about everything

aaa anon! you have put into words why i love this style so much. i like my rps to feel immersive, kind of like writing a novel together rather than each reply being a book that adds to the series. one of my most memorable threads adopted this style and i miss it. here's to hoping we cross paths someday!

grips your shoulder anon. i went through this recently and i wish my friend had never told me about it. i didn't really need to know about all the dirty little dramas going on and it's damaged some of the excitement i had for the game as well. sucks.

i just try to remember that even if someone does have beef with me, 90% of the time it's their problem and likely to be them projecting their own feelings onto the situation, so i can safely ignore it and just keep on having fun

i also don't have any castmates, but i remember you from T9! nice to see folks from there bopping around still.

Idk why but whenever I get complimented anything along the lines of "you have such a great handle on x character" or "omg I love your x character so much" while threading with a stranger, I immediately get self-conscious. I don't know what's wrong with me other than I'm afraid to disappoint that person if I write something that's considered ooc for that character. I have even dropped a thread or two because of it. It's weird, I know. T_T

not weird, performance anxiety is very common. it's not very helpful for rp, but it is common

Maxinquaye by Tricky. Always loved downbeat/ambient/triphop type electronic music but these days it's like therapy and sedatives all in one. So soothing.

i approached someone on a cr meme because their character seemed fun on paper, and i kicked off a thread for us. it's become quickly apparent that the characters have minimal chemistry in their thread, the other player is very passive and doesn't move the thread forward, and i'm now wondering whether it's worth counting down to an imaginary number of tags before it's polite to bow out, or if i should just cut my losses. i don't want to be an asshole, since i technically asked them for cr, but i feel as if i'm just wasting their time when this isn't salvageable, and i know we're heading for an inevitable dead end.

Reach out and tell them the way you would want to be told if you were in their position.

If you’re friends you might already know how to best let them know that it’s not working out

i can draw your gamefied characters 👀 let me help you, and you help me (feel free to pm if you've got any questions!)

my ko-fi

when you're good at rp codes or art or graphics and people do that thing where they ask for freebies or imply they want stuff while simultaneously ignoring your tags...if you must try to use me at least make it worth my while

is there a place online where i can find all of the readables? especially the ones for penacony? i only saw one on the fandom wiki

if i have to find them all in game, i better get busy!

i'm so tired all the time. everything is a chore and i don't even want to do things i usually enjoy. when i have days off all i do is sleep.

i know these are all signs of depression but i've been taking my meds for that, so not sure what's going on otherwise. i'm just overwhelmed by everything. wish i could burn it all down and start over.

have you had your bloods checked recently anon? i had all those symptoms when i was really deficient in vitamin d. otc supplements made a lot of difference, it might be worth looking into it.

would anyone be interested in object art commissions? like customised art of weapons, magical devices, etc. that may otherwise not have visual references for.

https://starrailstation.com/en/books

here i believe. gl!

ditch these people anon, especially if they're hint dropping they want something as that's more annoying imo than asking outright

or make a commission page and link them next time. be firm about using it

if they can't even respect you enough to ask properly, have them pay for your time and effort

ah this is perfect. tysm!

that's a good point, anon. my last round of bloodwork showed that my d levels were up, but they've had pretty chronically low the past several years and i'm not as good at taking my otc meds as i am my scrips. i'll try to remember to take some d and a good multivitamin with my nightly antidepressant this week and see if it helps.

i hope it helps anon! you can get some high strength vitamin d supplements as well that you only need to take once or twice a week. apparently taking it with some vitamin c like orange juice also helps the uptake.

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something big going down in clown town

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