next time i'm sticking to my antisocial ways

[socksuke_uchiha]

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Comments

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

Most of the time, I go about my life in a good mood. I'm happier than people might expect someone in my situation to be.

I am stuck in one small room all the time unless I go out somewhere, but I don't have a ton of money and no IRL friends and no family, so I rarely go anywhere that isn't to run an errand or to buy food.

I talk to people online, which keeps me from getting lonely, but I haven't touched another person in years. I have a roommate, but it's pretty clear that their interest begins and ends with my ability to pay rent. They've bought a new car and went on several vacations since I've been living here, but getting them to talk about anything besides their own life is impossible.

I don't want to live like this, but given the state of the world I feel like I don't have much choice. I wish I had a hobby or something to do that would help me make friends locally, but I don't know where to begin with that.

Most of the time I'm fine because I got used to being alone and taking care of myself because of how I was raised, but sometimes it'll be a long day and I become very aware of how completely alone in the world I really am. Sometimes it hurts knowing there isn't a single person in the world who loves me.

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

i'm sorry, anon. i have some suggestions you could try

1. dating apps like boo or okcupid. boo is especially nice because it has community forums for a variety of interests. even if you don't want to date, you can easily specify you're only interested in friendships

2. if there's a hobby/game store nearby, there's a good chance that they host weekly events that you could observe. maybe you can pick up a new interest there

3. check out meetup.com. just plug in your area and see what groups are around (book clubs, dinner groups, etc). you can browse a local reddit too. there are often postings about events and local meetings

if any other anons have tips, please chime in. i am a friendless gremlin nowadays so i have limited knowledge of how people meet lol

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

getting a massage every few weeks can help your brain chemistry talk itself off the ledge by having physical contact.

instead of throwing yourself in the deep end of dating you could try taking a class at a local community college for something random - most of them have programs for adults who are just in it for the life experience and not going for a degree.

you can block out time once a week to go to a library and just sit there and read and do some tags on a computer there.

baby steps to feel human and a part of society. getting used to being out there will make other things feel less daunting and make you feel less isolated, even if you're mostly doing stuff "alone" still because you'll be out in the world.

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

take up a solo hobby, like bird watching

watch birds

join a bird watching community online, where you will probably run into locals

watch birds with locals

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

Speaking as someone who worked at a good-sized library for most of last year, there's usually a couple clubs that your local one will have. Not even necessarily book clubs, things like learning how to sew or knit or a gaming night. Going to one of those can help get you out there, make friends, and generally get some human interaction. Plus it shows the library people are interested in them, so they can keep them around longer.

If you can afford it, maybe also take a class at the local community college. It's no longer just young eighteen year old fresh out of high school nudniks who take them like it used to be, you'll find a lot of folks of all ages now in the classes, so no matter what age range you'll in you can maybe find someone to talk to outside of class. Plus again, you can pick up a new hobby like learning how to make pottery or kickboxing or whatever.

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

+1000 to this. i live in a very small town, but our library has a knitting group, a writing group, a couple blook clubs, a drop-in board/tabletop gaming night, free movie screenings, gallery showings for local artists and meeting rooms you can rent to hold your own club/event.
a lot of community centers also have things like recreational sports leagues, language and cooking classes and other organized activities with low enrollment fees.

there are also probably lots of places in need of volunteers near you. if you're willing to get your hands dirty, cleaning cages and walking dogs at an animal shelter earns you the instant friendship of the dogs if not your fellow volunteers. if you can cook or even just know how to serve food or wash dishes, there's probably a community kitchen that always needs an extra set of hands.

speaking from experience, it helps if you look at it more like looking for fulfilling activities to fill your time with than seeking companionship specifically. if you're doing something you find fun and/or rewarding, your new friends will find you.

Re: rl woes

[(Anonymous)]

was coming here to suggest checking out anon's local library, they really are a gold mine of free or low-cost social opportunities beyond book clubs. mine has a weekly "walk and talk" (exactly what it says on the tin - walk with other people and talk about whatever) and a hobby night every month where you can bring in something crafty and work on it with whoever else is there, and they have an adult summer reading program with all kinds of events: special presentations, exercise and yoga demonstrations, ice cream or pizza socials, etc.

if you're into, for example, sewing, you could ask at your local fabric store if they know of any sewing groups you could join (just replace "sewing" and "fabric store" with whatever other hobby you're into and wherever you go to get supplies for it). craigslist might be someplace to look for social events too, or if there's a subreddit for your town or area there might be suggestions there.

OP, i'm sorry you're so lonely, and i really hope you can find something that will bring you the kind of friendships you want. hang in there.