rpanons | sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

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not expecting any advice, just venting to people who don't know me or the game i'm in.

my friend and i played a ship for a while, and i enjoyed it while we did. then i got another rp partner, and wound up enjoying that ship a tiny bit more. this was in a musebox, not in our shared game. nonetheless, my friend totally flipped out. i'm not allowed to ship with anyone but her apparently. she doesn't know i know she plays with other versions of my character off-site. i don't care about it and don't know why she's so secretive or so possessive.

if my friend catches wind i'm doing stuff with the other partner, she freaks out and has anxiety flareups and loses sleep. i have to tiptoe around her because her mental health is so bad and i don't want to make it worse. i know being trapped inside for a year made it worse still. but god, i feel like i'm on some kind of leash. i wish that she would lose interest in threading with me. if i had any idea she took ships this seriously, i wouldn't have played one with her.

anon, i'm saying this for mostly you, but for her as well: tell her. she's holding you hostage with her irrationality. that's not cool at all. she needs to at least have someone tell her to her face that what she's doing is not okay. if she can't see that and continues to flip out, cut off contact and block them. you are not responsible for their well being. rp friends are not entitled to free therapy and abuse pets in their partners.

this is unhealthy for you, because it leads to stress, anxiety, and it normalizes what is incredibly not normal, and it's unhealthy for her because she shouldn't be doing this and she needs to be aware to stop it. if she knows and you've had this discussion before, then cut contact. seriously.

It's being an emotional hostage. As selfish as it is, OP, you are not responsible for other people's dysfunctions. It ius good to be empathetic and be concerned for others and care for them, but you should also do it for yourself.

this. relationships of all kinds are tricky. if this was an rl situation with a couple, i'd say the same thing. one partner does not get to flip out about another partner having friends other than them. that this is friends and not a romantic relationship makes it kind of dodgy that they're this upset about you having other friends. it kind of makes me feel like they're emotionally owning you. they can cheat, but you can't. (not a true to life analogy, but you get it). they can have other rp partners to fill their needs, but you can't. that's... not okay. that this is an online relationship that's supposedly just friends is waving clifford the big red flag to me.

this is not okay on either side of the equation. worse that op knows it's not okay but isn't backing out. please borrow my boots to kick ass with, op.

thanks everyone. i've wanted to say something to her, but she has a ton of really horrible mental health problems. like the kind that make me wonder how she's survived. i have prioritized not making them worse at the risk of my comfort. rp is much more serious to her than me. but i'm not having fun with it anymore, and i guess i am feeling stressed out.

i love her a lot as a friend. we've done so much silly stuff outside of rp and had some real heart-to-hearts. i'm scared that if i don't rp with her anymore, she won't want to be friends.

i now realize how awful and messed up that sounds. i guess i'll just have to rip off the bandaid. i'm not great at wording things, so i'll ask a mutual friend for help.

good idea, op. at this point, it sounds less like she's your friend and more like an obligation. you've got your rose colored glasses on about what it was before you became her emotional hostage. that makes it hard to separate the now bad from the then good. if she doesn't want to be friends with you because you don't want to rp with her anymore, then she wasn't really your friend in the first place.

and that's okay. but better deal with that now then when you're too drained and anxious to disconnect. again, op, her mental health problems are not your obligation to fix. you're not her keeper or her worker or her therapist or her parent. you're supposed to be her friend, and if that was genuine, then she'd be okay with you taking a step back for your own wellbeing.

best of luck, op, i hope your conversation goes as well as it can.

If RP is the only thing holding your friendship together, then it really isn't much of a friendship. A real friend would understand that you have other interests. It's also very possible for two people to have a common interest but they don't suit in doing that thing together because of different styles of enjoying it.

And like others said, you are not responsible for their mental health. You can only control your actions, you can't control their reactions to what you do. I'm sure you are doing your best to be as nice as you possibly can about it. All anyone can really do in a situation like this is do their best to not be an asshole about it. How she reacts isn't something you can do a thing about and problems with mental health doesn't change that fact. You worry about your problems and just do your best to be as respectful as you can be.

good luck, op. i had a friend like this years ago, who would get upset if my character developed any attachments outside of hers. i hope you get to have fun again soon.

i have prioritized not making them worse at the risk of my comfort.

OP, I totally understand this impulse and I sympathise a LOT because it's so easy to do and you're a very good and kind friend to want to help her, but this isn't healthy for either of you. you're not helping her get better by treading on eggshells around her illness and you're actively making your own mental health worse. this is the exact reason why friends/family of mentally ill people need to be extra vigilant about taking care of themselves.

it's going to be really hard to take this step back but it's definitely the right thing to do. I assume she's an adult and she will survive whatever happens. you're not responsible for either her mental health or her actions, only she is, and the more people passively enable these toxic behaviors because of her illness, the longer she'll stay like this.

(also fwiw, I've known people like this and been in a very similar situation. I later found out that she was lying and exaggerating about how much she freaked out in order to control me and once she got over our falling out, she just glommed onto someone else who was willing to put up with it. not saying your friend is like this, but.. yeah. don't assume you know everything about what's going on with her.)

I've been in your friend's shoes, so if it helps, I absolutely think you're making the right decision and ultimately it won't just help you, it may very well help her.

Good luck, anon.

+1 to this. While I (hopefully) have never hit that extreme your friend has, I have had times where my mental illness was bad enough to be pretty toxic and people setting boundaries and holding me accountable for violating them helped me far more to seek a fix for what was wrong with me.

Other people have already given a the good advice so I'll just say good luck, and god that's a shitty situation to be in.

i want to thank everyone who gave me advice. she pretended to be understanding for about a day, then badmouthed me to all our mutuals. when they told her to knock it off, she went ballistic and blocked everybody. the anon who predicted red flags was right. her big complaint verbatim was that i cheated on her by wanting to play with other people. i am not and have never been her girlfriend.

it hurts to know she only used me for rp, but by the same token i found out she was a big time wanker back in the day who used to make up rape accusations about people. a little in shock about all this.

I don't know what to say. I am so sorry she turned out to be a piece of shit. I am so sorry.

You did everything you had to do for your well-being, nonnie. Everything else that she did was by her own volition and using her dysfunction to justify her bad behavior. In the end, I fear you did have to cut off someone that was genuinely poisonous out of your life.

Please take care, nonny.

finding out things like that about someone you thought you were okay with can be a blow. i'm sorry, anon. i'm really glad you put your foot down, though. in a situation like this, the only good outcome is that you got a little truth out of it. i'm really sorry that you were blindsided. i hope you have people who can talk you through this.

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sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

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