rpanons | sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

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since no one else responded to this part, i'd like to add something:

"i'm trying so hard to find reassurance without like... guilting anyone or being passive aggressive and i'm getting radio silence"

what, exactly, does this mean? in my experience, it's better to be direct than hope someone will mindread. i know it often FEELS like hinting is nicer, or gives them a social 'out' if they don't want to engage in comforting your anxieties, but it also means it's entirely possible no one is picking up on you needing reassurance.

if you do have someone - anyone - in dwrp that you trust enough to directly go to and ask some natural variation of "hey, i've been feeling blah about rp lately, can i ask you if i've been too much of a downer / is it making it hard for you to be around me / do you actually like writing with me / etc". try to emphasize they didn't 'do' anything to cause this, but you have insecurity issues and would like to just ask.

everyone's got different mileage for this and i'm sure at least one person will say this is a terrible idea, bc asking for reassurances all the time is something an ex-friend they now hate did and it's manipulation, but there's a lot of room for nuance here. some people aren't poisonous, they're just...sad, and it's normal to want reassurance. i've got friends who are balls of anxiety nearly 24/7 but they know not to demand reassurance daily, so i don't mind giving it out during the rarer talks we DO have about that kind of thing. i don't feel pressured, it doesn't take up a ton of my time, they're not blowing up my PMs or PPs or discord or anything. it's just human to want and to give out reassurance, assuming baseline respect and trust is there.

idk. it's entirely possible i'm reading a different anxiety from this rp woe than you intended. if i did, i hope the above ramble helps out anyone with the problem i actually *am* accidentally describing instead. either way, good luck stranger. honestly if you do leave dwrp or even just take a break, i hope it helps. if you try to stick around, i hope it works out.

i think the majority of us around here are just trying to vibe and have a good time, and assuming you're not surrounded by assholes it's entirely possible no one is even thinking about all this as much as you are. (which is meant to be reassuring, lmao. i think often anxiety makes us assume everyone is judging us but they rarely are.)

thank you for the very thoughtful and compassionate reply, first of all.

i think it's more an internalized "i'm supposed to present as a strong, confident person all the time in rp and doing otherwise only draws negative attention when it's a negative feeling. also rp is not supposed to be a big deal in the first place and so to feel negatively about it is also bad, get over it, it's just pretend barbies" feeling.

i wouldn't consider myself an anxious person and feel like i don't ask for reassurances ever... i hate feeling like i need to at all. but to hear the reminder it is a normal human want helps a lot here. anxiety about having anxiety is the worst.

no one is even thinking about all this as much as you are is ironically the part i think is bothering me, hah. i feel like such a non-entity that i could just disappear and no one would notice or care. i mean i kind of have... i actually haven't tagged anything in over a month. i dropped out of my game a while ago and didn't announce it and no one noticed or said anything. no one poked me for tags or said, "i'll miss you" or "i hope we can play again" or "i still want to do this thing with you." i feel like i am not wanted and leave no lasting impression on anyone anymore, i'm not interesting, i'm boring, old, stale, etc, and it's time to move on.

i don't think it's depression since i feel pretty good about my other hobbies and engaged with rl social groups, but my other hobbies are also markedly isolationist and dwrp is my biggest internet social hobby. to cut that out completely worries me that i will cut off what few connections i have and like here, even if i already feel very lonely with them.

i might just need a true break and some perspective. thank you for listening. i hope it works out too. i'd love to come back with positivity and passion and share it again with my dwrp friends like i used to. i know that kind of joy is contagious and we could all use more of that around here.

hi, anon. the thing that could help as well would be to take a hiatus from plurk and discord (assuming you're active on those for rp purposes) and just engage with threading on bakerstreet, etc. just tag out and have casual fun whenever you feel like it. sometimes taking a break from interacting oocly with the players behind these fictional barbies can help with getting your confidence back.

I decided to take a long plurk break a few months ago because of some bad brain things and feeling sort of lonely and left of out of dwrp when it felt like everyone else was having fun with together without me. It took a few days to shake the urge to check into my timeline for lack of anything else to do but once I broke the habit I started getting some of my tag confidence back because I could focus on the what I had instead of being distracted by weird FOMO bummer feelings.

I've long believed plurk is toxic. like it's not even the people it's designed to be that way. like most social media platforms.

yeah i was pretty shocked to see how many people mindlessly defended plurk in that plurk vs. discord tizzy we had. it read like a bunch of brainwashed fanatics who refused to admit it's a piece of shit platform that encourages shitty behavior which hey, we should probably drop.

and discord isn't perfect either, but imo it's not nearly as bad. it's just not even close, on top of plurk's awful design and clunky code.

i agree. discord has its problems but there's something about that kind of ongoing mass conversation that imo weeds out some of the performative stuff, and the subtly toxic mechanical stuff like follower and comment counts.

yeah no, discord just breeds performative assholes who talk over entire games versus just the few people who choose to engage with them

plurk is far from perfect, but discord is AIM without the cutesy sounds

no. AIM, ICQ and MSN were 121 messengers with the option of group chats. discord is like IRC servers with a trendy skin in that it's a group space with optional 121 messaging.

also they're not performing being an asshole. they're just assholes. complain if you want but if you strike up a false dichotomy you just look like you're arguing in bad faith.

"1-on-1 with optional chat" and "chat with optional 1-on-1" is a distinction totally without difference. 99% of my discord usage is DMs.

it's really not. we frequently don't use DW (and lots of systems) by it's intended usage but the fact that it was built with a different intended use comes out in the various barriers, loopholes and hacks we find to use it how we please. this effects the user experience a lot whether or not you see that. the difference between services that put their focus on group or direct comms change a lot of things from security protocols to moderation functions to HCI considerations that put more emphasis on the communal functions and not isolated user functions.

i like it because people use plurk and twitter and IG like they're an influencer making announcements to their followers and i hate that but people don't really use discord like that.

the problem with discord is that it makes it really hard to participate in discussions if you don't live in the same timezone as the majority of the game since it's real-time conversation and it's clunky and awkward to try to scroll back through hours and hours of people chattering. at least with plurk the general expectation is that people will be talking in a particular plurk for quite a while, so if you see it six hours after it goes up, in most cases you haven't totally missed the boat and can still get in on the discussion.

tbh i don't think plurk is immune to this. if you're there after interest has cooled on the subject you might as well not be there at all and scrolling back in a convo to me is no less irritating than scrolling backward on a plurk timeline. except it's more overwhelming because it's a bunch of disconnected convos instead of just one.

idk, i find that even if i comment to a plurk a few hours later, most of the time people are still happy to respond to me. with discord, it always feels kind of awkward to bring up something that was talked about five hours ago after the conversation has shifted course to about a dozen other things in the meantime.

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sorry that people are sick of your majestic mcus

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