Ooo

[rpanonmod]

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Comments

itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

since some of you guys are weirdos

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i have really violent random thoughts that bother me a lot. like hurting animals or children or my own pets.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

those and intrusive thoughts, anon. everyone gets stuff like that(though severity+frequency can be a sign of a problem, it'd be more along the lines of mental illness than you being a bad person. for example! people with OCD have particularly bad intrusive thoughts)

cw description of animal cruelty

[(Anonymous)]

i never think about actually doing harm to people/animals but once i heard about crushcat i caught myself envisioning what a stomped-on kitten would actually look like




in really disturbing detail like the way the jaw would look after being completely mangled and dislocated, the way one or both eyes would be partially or fully ruptured or dislodged from their sockets, the way the fur and whiskers would prickle back into place after being flattened down

it honestly really upset me that i could envision it n that much detail and the frequency with which it happens. i didn't even like writing it down here but at the same time it's kind of a relief to finally tell someone about it

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes when i'm driving in heavy traffic i experience these instantaneous moments of panic that i only thought i understood traffic laws but they're actually completely opposite

like green means stop and i'm supposed to be driving on the left side of the road or what i think is the brake pedal is actually the gas

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i've had repeated anxiety dreams like this, with bonus "you cannot stop the car no matter how hard or long you stomp on the breaks"

not fun times

cw: self-harm

[(Anonymous)]

i'm unusually paranoid sometimes. i'll be in a store and be convinced that i'm going to be physically attacked or that people starting fixedly in my direction are either a) talking about me negatively or b) noticing something dirty/grotesque about my person (that i can't see) and are transfixed by it. google "ideas of reference" for more detail and some better examples than i can give right now.

if i'm already stressed, i also tend to worry excessively about the possibility of something unknown and terrible growing under my skin, so i'll pick at scratches/scabs until they ooze just to reassure myself that normal human liquids are under there and nothing more. this was also the second biggest reason i used to cut. i have nightmares about my teeth/jaws spontaneously decaying and once i read that this was actually possible if an abscess was left untreated and i didn't sleep for like two days.

yes i'm aware of my problems.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i sometimes end up fiercely convinced that whatever food i'm consuming is poisoned. i can usually tell myself that the very thought is bullshit, but... yeah.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

this happens to me whenever our neighbors give us food

no idea why

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i have a persistant fear that someone has been connected to my computer and watching everything i do for years

not too out-there given how insane technology is these days but i'm pretty sure my hypersensitive antivirus and firewall combination would destroy anyone who ever tried that

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes i get scared people can read my mind or that my dead ancestors are watching me while i pee poop masturbate etc

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i worry a lot. about inappropriate, unlikely, and otherwise terrifying scenarios. i think about them in circles until i'm in a panic.

i calm myself down by plotting them out in my head and figuring out what precisely would happen. the result is that i've spent time thinking about what i'd do if my girlfriend died, or if i was in a shooting, or i got HIV, etc.

and then i spend a lot more time guiltily apologizing to god, my mom, imagined telepaths and my own general fucking neurotic ball of paranoia for thinking about such horrible things in the first place because ofc that'll make them more likely to happen.

why yes i am going to go see a psychiatrist when i can afford to

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes when i look at inanimate objects and their color reminds me of certain food so i get hungry and feel like tasting them

like furnitures made of dark wood make me think about chocolate

when i was a little kid i actually licked a cabinet. obviously i don't do that anymore but i still get hungry

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

whenever i'm outside i feel like i'm going to be killed a la son of sam

same when cars drive past me, whether i'm in my car or walking/standing somewhere

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i feel the compulsive urge to get somewhere out of sight when i see a group of teenagers approaching and i'm by myself b/c i'm hideously ugly and convinced they're going to laugh and make fun of me

i never moved past high school i guess

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i still regularly fantasize about how i'd clean up the world if i had a death note.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes when I'm at a high place, I get an urge to jump.

I'm not suicidal, and I'm actually scared of heights so it's very stressful.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

whenever i'm about to fall asleep i'll get sudden panic thoughts that my teeth are going to shatter. especially if it feels like i'm about to grind them.

[(Anonymous)]

what percentage of people name their cars? i feel like most people do, but it's something you never talk about, so you can't really tell. maybe i just hang out with the kind of people who name their cars.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes i worry i'm one of those throwaway 'normal' characters in a supernatural story, where a couple of people has magic skills/advanced technology that i don't know about


and they can read my mind/see my aura/whatever.

also while i do think about dying quite often, sometimes my thought spiral to 'how can i bait people into killing me' and not 'i cannot kill myself because that would just burden my family'

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes i wonder if i'm not blocking out abuse from when i was a child. physical and sexual. not from my parents, they're great, but i have vague memories of physical altercations with my older cousins. i just can't remember how far they went.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

i convinced myself for a year when i was younger that i was stuck in a timeloop and had just forgotten the first time around and that if i could just concentrate hard enough i would be able remember the future

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

When stressed out, or sometimes just for the fun of it, I like to imagine myself lying curled up on a blanket and someone tying that blanket into a bundle with a neat knot on top so I'm wrapped up all nicely. It's the most amazing calming thought. It's weird since it's not sexual at all, but I can't imagine ever asking anyone to do it for me IRL since it just feels too intimate.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

ever since i was a kid, i've had this feeling that i'm being watched, no matter where i am or what i'm doing. it's like i'm never alone.

Re: itt: strange thoughts

[(Anonymous)]

body horror warning to be safe?!




whenever i'm really stressed, i imagine hitting my head against the table and having it crack open like an egg

or sometimes when i get frustrated about mundane things, i imagine popping my eyes out and throwing them and having them bounce back to me (what the hell)

i've had migraines since i really little and before i understood them i used to think that something was stuck onto my skull on the inside and i'd imagine getting it out with one of those pumpkin carving spoons

yikes