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i'll try to make this short.

i'm in my mid 20's and disabled because of mental illness, severe joint problems, etc., all officially diagnosed. my dad is in his 40's and also disabled with severe joint problems, etc., also all officially diagnosed. i recently lost my insurance with no fucking warning and i haven't been able to take medication for 2 months and i feel like shit. for example, i'm having really shitty joint pain in my wrists and ankles and i'm in no condition to do a lot of walking or heavy lifting.

dad is the type of person who thinks "young people never deal with anything stressful like old age/divorce!" and assumes that i'm some lazy tumblrina making up excuses like certain CHARlatans in this hobby. oops, my caps lock is acting up.

i'm not a lazy whiny shit who whines about not having enough spoons to do anything that doesn't involve anime, rp, and video games, i do plenty of things to help out around the house as long as it doesn't hurt TOO much and i do have a part-time job. but when i can't do certain things, he whines that i'm so lazy and "never do anything around here" and that i should just DO IT. i'm not gonna imply that i deserve a medal and a standing ovation because i took the trash out, but he could at least show some appreciation or ask my siblings to do more around the house.

both of his parents had joint problems, and that also applies to my mom's parents. although my mom and siblings are (currently) fine, that doesn't mean jack shit because he's the only one of his siblings with joint problems too. i would think he would put 2 and 2 together and realize "maybe my child inherited this thing i inherited from my own parents!" but i guess that's asking too much. disclaimer: we don't both have the exact same health problems and he definitely has it worse than me.

for the record, i've already applied for medicaid, but unfortunately, since i didn't lose my insurance until october 1st and i didn't have any idea until like october 6th, i have to deal with the holiday rush. :/

any advice would be appreciated but i'm mainly looking for advice on how to make my dad understand that i'm not some lazy tumblrina who coughed one time and then self-diagnosed themselves with stage 10 lung cancer.

impossible

soz

if he doesn't understand now, then he will never understand. you only have two options: 1) bite the bullet and just put up with the bullshit or 2) save tiny little money on the side and try to get out there or if you have local friends that needs a roomie, try and convince them to let you live with them.

and since you said you have other siblings, dump the shit on them and you bail. have them take care of your dad and his troubles. sounds harsh, i know but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get happiness. even if it means burning bridges.

here's a script for you, anon. you're the judge of whether or not it'll work on someone like your dad, but it's worked for me.

next time he does this, give him a really hurt look and be like "dad, i don't know what you're talking about. i already did X,Y, and Z. i've done it this week, i'll do it again tomorrow [or whatever best fits your actual helping around the house.] when you call me lazy and pretend like i don't do anything, it really hurts my feelings when i'm doing my best."

other scripts: "you know i help around the house a lot. i'm limited when i'm in pain, just like you are, but i do want to give you [and family] a hand."

"you know i can't do that, dad, because [something about pain and limited mobility.] is there something else i can help you out with though?"

"look, dad, i love you and i'd really help you if i could."

the attitude to take is "hurt, sad, a good child trying your very best." don't be afraid to show that you're vulnerable, just fucking practice your sad eyes on him, anon. tell him no, but then redirect him to something you can/are willing to do.

as someone who has none of the disability problems that you and your dad has, but DOES have a mother who was totally blind to everything i do or did and spent a lot of time lecturing me on those things, this tactic has actually worked really well for me.

this might work with someone less assholish, but for someone truly committed to BOOTSTRAPS, you're probably only going to be wasting your time.

it's true that if someone is a true huge asshole there's no way to ever convince them of anything. that said, there's something to be said for playing on the "aren't we all faaaamily here, and REAL family wouldn't hurt me this way :CCC" and "i'm doing my best to be a model of a good dutiful child for you" scripts that shitty parents often use as a weapon against their children. you're not only using your own hurt feelings (which assholish people honestly don't give a crap about) as leverage, you're using hurt feelings + faaaaamily + a hint of flattery ("i really do want to make you happy, i'm trying so hard just for youuuu") to see if you can weasel your way out of getting dumped on

the idea of convincing anyone to change their minds about anything is a fantasy. it's made-up. it'll never hapepn.

This is probably less 'changing his mind' and more creating something tangible but perhaps sitting down with him and any other household members and going through what tasks need to be done in the house? You can then work through who is doing what, or at least list who is doing what and it leaves things a lot less in the air for him to be able to say 'you never do this'. If he slips back into that (and it's pretty likely he would) you can refer to that conversation and the list made.

Being concrete in this sort of situation could help. That's probably more likely to change his mind then telling him to feel bad, because it forces him to be on the defensive and 'wrong' personally. People don't like feeling like they're wrong even if they actually are.

Chicken tendies

how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining itt)

Re: how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining i

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Re: how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining i

Re: how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining i

Re: how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining i

Re: how do i convince an unsympathetic person to be sympathetic when they're stubborn af? (whining i

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