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Rundown: rpanons is an anonymous community for role-play related topics. This place serves as a forum for game discussions, canon discussions, RP solicitations (ATP, game ads, open memes), and advice. The occasional off topic comment is inevitable, but please keep heated social and political topics to their respective communities. Posting them here will only get them frozen. Subsequent threads made to bypass a freeze will then be deleted.

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Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Anons, I love my boyfriend, but he's a huge hypocrite. We both have depression and anxiety, and we both agreed to talk to each other when they get bad. I let him know when I'm having a hard time but he won't do the same for me. I've talked to him about it a few times and he says he'd rather deal with things on his own. I think it's unfair to expect me to open up all the time but keep his own problems to himself. Does he not trust me? This whole situation makes me angry and I don't want to talk to him about any of my issues anymore.

[(Anonymous)]

tell him he's being a hypocrite

if he can't accept that then drop his ass

[(Anonymous)]

So you're about 19 years old, huh?

[(Anonymous)]

25 actually.

[(Anonymous)]

And you haven't grown out of teenage drama yet! Impressive.

(Just in case it's not clear to you, I'm saying that everything you've said sounds like it's coming out of the mouth of a kid who's barely out of high school who's acting like her relationship problems are so big and ~profound~ and perplexing.)

[(Anonymous)]

Don't date someone with the same mental problems as you jesus christ that's just a disaster waiting to happen

+1

[(Anonymous)]

[(Anonymous)]

guys bottle up their feelings because reasons stop making it about yourself when you're both suffering you crazy bitch

or leave him and dont go out with someone with the same issues as you

damn girl

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not crazy, I'm frustrated. Would you rather I not care about his issues at all...?

[(Anonymous)]

i don't have a preference what you do really (aside from taking your relationshit stuff to plurk or tumblr where it belongs)

but being upset because he'd rather keep his feelings to himself - probably out of shame or embarrassment?

thats dumb

[(Anonymous)]

anon, are you dating a shonen protagonist?

[(Anonymous)]

You can't make someone talk to you. It could be any number of reasons that he isn't saying anything - maybe he considers your issues more important, maybe he doesn't know how to voice them, maybe he prefers to just shove them to the side and ignore them. Which isn't healthy, but you can't make him do shit.

Calm down. If you get yourself anxious or angry over something like this you're just heading down a road of stress and hurt feelings which ends in a break up. You're worried about him, but in a way you're making it about you, and that's not going to help anyone.

[(Anonymous)]

Alright, let me tell you the story of my best friend and me. Best friend suffers from depression and anxiety, and talking to someone (namely me) helps her a lot. It makes coping easier, it puts things into perspective for her, so ever since she started opening up, she made some serious progress. YAY!

I, on the other hand, have a very hard time talking about my issues. Even with her. I dislike doing it, and actually, whenever I do, it makes things worse, not better. Yes, we agreed on a sort of 'mutual talking', but I am perfectly content with her talking and me doing the listening/comforting, and maybe occasionally opening up when I feel I really need to.

This doesn't mean I don't trust her - I do. I trust her more than anybody else. I just lack the urge to talk about my issues.

CONCLUSION: if talking about it helps you, and he doesn't mind listening, Keep Going. If you dislike talking about it, don't do it. If he doesn't want to talk, you can't change it. Unless he demands you to tell him everything about whatever issue you're having, he isn't being a hypocrite.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you 10? People deal with personal issues differently and a lot of us really don't like the idea of sharing when things get hard and would rather process it all and work it out ourselves. It's so self absorbed to get angry because he doesn't share it all with you. If he's communicated that he would rather work things out himself then respect that fact and get over yourself. Just because you have the same issues doesn't mean you have the same ways of dealing. And quit replying with "would you rather I don't care? :(" That's not the point. If you really cared you would respect his need for space and privacy and wouldn't give him reason to feel worse by being a titty baby about the way he deals with things when he's having a hard time. Grow up and realize him telling you he wants to work things out himself is his way of saying he doesn't want to share.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

all of this. op you've made this entirely about you and your feelings and you need to grow up and gain some awareness of boundaries.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

All there is to say tbh

[(Anonymous)]

by "he won't do the same for me" do you mean he gets help elsewhere, or that he rejects all assistance? does his having depression affect you (like "he gets angry and lashes out about everything" or "he gives me the silent treatment for days and doesn't tell me why", not "he won't let me ~heal his suffering~")? because that makes a difference.

[(Anonymous)]

He gives me the silent treatment for days and won't talk to me unless I say something first.

da

[(Anonymous)]

To be honest, it sounds like his way of dealing with depression is to retreat and work it out on his own. Trying to force him to process his feelings in the same way you do is counterproductive. For introverts, when they're in a sneaky mood spiral, the effort it takes to seek out attention and affection can be overwhelming.

However, it's unfair to you for him to retreat without warning and stop interacting.

I think what this calls for is for you two to have a talk about the best ways to be supportive for each other -- if the best thing you can do to support him is give him his space when he's down, you need to start thinking about that as something you're doing to help him, rather than something he's doing to hurt you. It sounds like you're okay with what he's doing to support you/listen when you need to talk about things, but if there's any issues there, share them, too.

Communication is really the key here: you need to be honest with each other about your needs, and you need to respect his needs just as he needs to respect yours.

[(Anonymous)]

As someone who allowed my own depression to ruin a perfectly good relationship because of my own inability or unwillingness to communicate: you need to talk that shit out, and if he doesn't realize it, I don't see him being your boyfriend for much longer.

[(Anonymous)]

you sound like a high schooler and don't have the maturity to be in a relationship. why are you asking us if he trusts you when you're the one dating him? you need to

da

[(Anonymous)]

was that really necessary

little bit rude

[(Anonymous)]

Y'know it's possible that he feels you're going through enough with your own depression and doesn't want to add to your problems. Because clearly you have multiple problems.

[(Anonymous)]

my boyfriend approached me with something like this; i understand that you're not trying to ~*~fix~*~ him and that by closing himself off when stressed/upset you mean that he's giving you the silent treatment instead of talking stuff out. i'm guessing you just want to support him and it seems like he doesn't trust you enough to open up to you.

talk to him about it. i honestly didn't realize i was shutting my boyfriend out/being PA when i was stressed until he confronted me about it. the thing is, you can't demand he talk to you about his problems (i don't like sharing what's bothering me, and it has nothing to do with trust), but you can tell him how his problems end up affecting you and your relationship. i don't think it's as clear-cut as some people are saying; i still don't personally understand the appeal of it, but i've started opening up more emotionally since he asked, and he respects my need to be alone and understands it's not his fault. relationships are about communication and (reasonable) compromise, anon.

[(Anonymous)]

asking him to deal with his problems in the same way as you is extremely counterproductive

i think you guys need to have a talk. maybe explain to him that you know he processes his issues in a different way to you, but you still want to be able to help. maybe ask about what he needs when he's in a bad place, what signs to watch out for so you know when it happens. if you want to support him, then i'd say to make sure he knows you are there for him even if he doesn't want to talk it out.

i mean, obviously don't sacrifice your own wellbeing for his. that's not helpful and it's really good to establish communication about these things so that neither of you gets overwhelmed by the other.