rpanons | Yer wonderful

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by "he won't do the same for me" do you mean he gets help elsewhere, or that he rejects all assistance? does his having depression affect you (like "he gets angry and lashes out about everything" or "he gives me the silent treatment for days and doesn't tell me why", not "he won't let me ~heal his suffering~")? because that makes a difference.

He gives me the silent treatment for days and won't talk to me unless I say something first.

To be honest, it sounds like his way of dealing with depression is to retreat and work it out on his own. Trying to force him to process his feelings in the same way you do is counterproductive. For introverts, when they're in a sneaky mood spiral, the effort it takes to seek out attention and affection can be overwhelming.

However, it's unfair to you for him to retreat without warning and stop interacting.

I think what this calls for is for you two to have a talk about the best ways to be supportive for each other -- if the best thing you can do to support him is give him his space when he's down, you need to start thinking about that as something you're doing to help him, rather than something he's doing to hurt you. It sounds like you're okay with what he's doing to support you/listen when you need to talk about things, but if there's any issues there, share them, too.

Communication is really the key here: you need to be honest with each other about your needs, and you need to respect his needs just as he needs to respect yours.

above anon is right, but i want to emphasize that you need to take care of yourself and that communication is a two-way street.

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