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the thing that makes it hard is apparently a lot of other people have a better time with it. it could be i'm too critical of my own situation, though.

It's really perception moreso than anything. It's not fun or a walk in a park for anyone. Some of us just realize it makes up a huge part of who we've become and think that makes up for the hell. I am so empathetic and have an ability to really understand and get people with all sorts of motives because I've experienced so many different emotions due to having bipolar. I wouldn't trade that in to erase the hard years. I help people and I forgive more easily and I save myself a lot of issues because I can read people and know who not to engage long term. I also have written amazing music, helped a girl I met when institutionalized by being her first real friend, met some great guys that I'm now friends with that were impulse one night stands... I am who I am and having bipolar is a part of that whether I like it or not but I like who I am so I guess I accept it.

I'm also hypo right now haha so who knows if I actually will feel this way when I level off.

i hope that you will! i hope very much that you will still feel this way. i guess i'm poorer at taking the bad with the good, since i have few accomplishments to my name and frankly i don't like myself, which does make it more difficult to accept. every few months, i hop back into the hospital because i'm either too low or too high, the insomnia is completely wrecking my body, and the fear that i'll begin to hallucinate again is almost as bad as the hallucinations. i've ruined my chances with countless family and friends, i've obliterated my bank account so many times that it's taken a big toll on my living situation, and i somehow seem to have missed out on that famed bipolar intelligence, so i don't have anything brilliant or creative to console myself with. i guess it's just like getting a bad hand at cards.

therapy would probably help. i should get therapy.

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