rpanons | rp, which we all know is unsightly

rp, which we all know is unsightly

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is continuing to RP helpful to you right now? honestly if you're feeling more stressed out by trying to tag then maybe take some time off and just concentrate on grieving and getting through things. be honest with your RP partners if you can, people will understand. take care of you and your health and wellbeing, that's the most important thing here, way more than any silly writing hobby.

I don't think of RP as being about me right now. People like having their pretend fun times and a lot of my friends are going through terrible times in terms of mental health, just, some of the worst depression and anxiety I've ever seen, and I worry that having someone who's been playing in the same game as them for two years drop entirely would only make them feel worse. Everyone's dealing with a lot, and even if all I'd be adding to it is them having to go without some tags and not have my dude around for CR, it still feels wrong and gross to add to their stress with that. I don't want to make anyone else's day-to-day life even the tiniest bit shittier given the state of things.

I don't think you'd need to drop entirely nonny, you could take a hiatus, probably a longer one than usual if you are comfortable explaining your situation to the mods. Fair enough though if it isn't something you want to go into logged in.

Isn't it unfair of me to ask the mods for special treatment, though? Other anon, you need to remember that other people have lost someone and they're still playing. What gives me the right to ask for time off when other people pushed through? And for that matter, what's wrong with me that I'm not pushing through and am instead having these prolonged episodes of 'nothing matters, why bother to even eat/get up/do a tag?'

anon, I mean this seriously and I hope you take it seriously: if this is how you're thinking about your recent bereavement, you should consider seeking professional help in order to get you through it.

What do you mean? I've actually never lost anyone prior to this year, so at the risk of sounding like the least emotionally intelligent human being alive, how am I supposed to be thinking about things right now?

you're not supposed to be thinking any way right now, there aren't any rules. but thinking that you have to continue doing things which are stressful and upsetting to you (as this clearly is) because other people might think you're lying/cheating, and putting other people's hypothetical feelings way ahead of your own, isn't healthy for you in the long run. you need to be able to put yourself first sometimes. this is one of those times.

I say this as someone who had chronic problems with this exact issue that totally fucked me up in ways I didn't even notice for years, until I started to unpick it in therapy and was like "oh shit, I've been treating myself like crap for literally no reason, wtf".

also circling back, some of the things you've said in your comments (that you feel like you can't do anything even eating/getting out of bed) are totally normal for someone who is grieving. your mind and body need time to rest and deal with the traumatic shit and just deal with it. there's absolutely nothing "wrong" with you at all, I promise.

hey nonny, the thing about grief is that everyone grieves differently and what works for some people as an escape may not work for everyone. your rp partners may be getting by even while they're grieving, and maybe rp is a comfort for them, but for you it's obviously not and that's okay.

you clearly have a lot of care and consideration for the people you're rping with, but you are equally deserving of the same care and consideration and I think nonnies here are worried about you because you don't seem to feel that way.

I really hope you can take some time off to take care of yourself and I'm sorry for your loss.

yeah this goes way beyond an rp hiatus. which, by the way, i would strongly suggest you taking for the sake of your health. your mind space is not productive right now. i mean that with concern. please take some time for yourself and stop trying to be everything to everyone else.

I mean this kindly, but you don't sound particularly well at the moment anon. You're really overthinking and obsessing about other people's feelings when at a time like this you should be thinking of your own and literally anyone would understand. When I suffered from a close bereavement it took me close to a year to recover. People react to grief in different ways and while some people may find it helps to throw themselves into the fantasy of rp, others won't be able to focus on anything. And that's okay. It isn't unfair to take a longer hiatus if you need one, people have to do it sometimes and any decent mod would understand.

If I was your rp partner I'd feel more upset that you'd forced yourself to carry on for me when you're obviously in pain. Not angry with you, I would like to clarify, not at all. It's understandable to struggle with decisions when you're grieving. But I wouldn't like to think I'd inadvertently added to your stress.

doesn't your game let you take a hiatus? you could just take a month or two off, and even keep tagging if you want, but it would take some of the pressure off. I also really think you should tell your CR, at least that you've had some personal issues if you don't want to go into details. you don't need to put your own wellbeing last like this all the time, you're also going through some really stressful shit. I know if I was your CR and I found out you were suffering on my behalf I wouldn't want you to do this.

if your CR needs tags as escapism they can always use memes or find someone else to play with for a while. you don't have to be the one holding everything together all the time, I promise.

Yeah, the game lets players hiatus. My fear is just that if I hiatus, I'll be worrying people in my CR. What if they think I'm actually going on hiatus because I'm sick or I'm just doing it out of laziness? Or what if people feel betrayed or like I was lying to them when they find out just how many people in my life died? I mentioned my grandma dying on my plurk, but I haven't talked about the more recent deaths and I feel like an asshole for having not let anyone know because that feels dishonest, but I didn't want to freak them out or make them worry about me. What if now that backfires and they feel like I didn't trust them enough to tell them, or something?

anon, you're thinking WAY too much about what other people are assuming.

if they react badly, then that's on them and it's their problem. if they worry then they'll worry. you're not an asshole for needing time after 4 people in your family dying in a short amount of time.

I've had close CR hiatus without giving an explicit reason and I've never assumed any of that about them, because I'm (I hope) a decent person who doesn't think like that. 99% of people on here are also decent people.

I just don't want to make anyone else feel bad, or sad, or worried. I want my friends to be able to really enjoy their fandom fun, whether it's plurk convos about fandom stuff or game threads or the discord server we're all in where we send each other memes, and I feel like dropping out of all of it, as much as I just want to curl up somewhere and sleep for a few days with no commitments, is my taking away from their fun.

I don't doubt that they're all great people. Most people in RP are, really. It's just that that's part of why I don't want to mess up the fun by bringing any of this up to them. They deserve to be happy.

da

to be completely blunt, anon, you need to stop being so concerned with what others will think and start being a little selfish. it's a good kind of selfish. self care is not the kind of thing someone should give you shit over, and if they do, they're just showing you how much you don't need that shit in your life. it's not mean selfish to take time for yourself when you lose family. your life has been affected. you need to figure out your headspace for that and that means taking a step away from rp expectations so you can lighten the load. ask for a hiatus if you want to come back, but it wouldn't be a bad thing to think about dropping for a month or two. take some time. you can't take care of anyone else if you're too busy bleeding out.

anon, why do they deserve to be happy and you don't?

why do they deserve to have fun while you suffer in silence?

read back the comment you just wrote and imagine one of those friends was writing it. how would you respond? would you be okay with them thinking those things?

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rp, which we all know is unsightly

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