don't be jelly i was a handmaiden of satan in another life

[socksuke_uchiha]

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Comments

Re: Recovered Addict (potential cw)

[(Anonymous)]

I was a pretty straight-laced person in high school and my first few years of college. I had a bad breakup and moved to another city and fell in with a group of friends who introduced me to light drugs (weed, shrooms) in a controlled and safe environment, and I also started drinking a lot. It was also around this time that I got into a relationship with a new partner.

Over the next several months, I started wanting to try more things just to see how they'd affect me, and I also severed all ties with the people that knew me from before. My addiction wasn't to one drug in particular (though Adderall came pretty close), but rather to the experience of being high. There were a few things that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole even in that state (like heroin and crystal meth), but I started taking ecstasy pretty regularly. I later came to realize that it wasn't the drugs and alcohol I was addicted to so much as new, dangerous, thrilling experiences.

I hurt my partner in a really bad way (emotionally and not physically, not that it excuses anything), and I fell into even more dangerous patterns. Looking back, I think I was trying to find the thing that would just make me numb to my own failures and guilt, and not being able to feel anything ever again seemed like the most surefire way to do it.

But the same friends from before, who had never been into the heavier stuff like I was, held an intervention of sorts. They didn't tell me that they wanted me to stop using even though I think they knew, just that they cared about me and wanted to make sure I was okay.

I never sought medical treatment besides some general behavioral counseling, though I would suggest that anyone in a similar position actually do get professional help if that's option. I gained a lot of weight during this time, and there were a few setbacks, but I managed to kick it all for good. I'm in a healthy place now, still working on losing the weight, but I'm glad to be over that time. I still feel the guilt, responsibility, and shame for everything that happened and the people that I hurt, but I also understand that I'm a different person now. I can't change what happened, but I can change how I act going forward.

Wow, that was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Thanks for asking that, anon. It felt really good to get it off of my chest.

Re: Recovered Addict (potential cw)

[(Anonymous)]

oh wow. np nonny. that was interesting to read. it's very much the kind of addiction i think i'd easily fall into myself. especially when i'm in a bad place mentally and just want an escape. thank you for sharing.

i'm glad you kicked the habit! keep on fighting, nonny!