rpanons | I'm bad at this

I'm bad at this

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what's the appeal of being poly

it seems like a recipe for emotional disasters

some people want to have their cake and eat it too. you never have to work at a relationship with someone when you can just pack up and go cozy up to your spare when your first choice is doing something you don't like. you never have to compromise because one of your others will accept you just exactly how you are. you have attention showered on you. you never feel alone because you have multiple partners. you can pick and choose the qualities you want to enjoy at any given time and ignore the qualities/people you don't feel like being around at that moment

yeah it basically is a recipe for complete disaster. imo it shows immaturity and an inability to put in effort for the sake of a monogamous relationship

dang someone hates poly. i agree that it's an inability (or just not wanting to, tbh) to put in the effort of a monogamous relationship, but you're looking at that through the lens that one type of relationship is more correct than the others. why does someone HAVE to put up with their single partner not being able to fulfill all the things they're looking for, and vice versa? what if it works better for them to have a few people they're seeing? if everyone is mature and communicates clearly, sometimes that works out better for people.

basically i think your answer is essentially correct, at least in terms of having multiple outlets, but you framed it super negatively and that's unnecessary.

>if everyone is mature and communicates clearly

this is incredibly, incredibly rare and i guarantee you that if you're talking to someone who toots their own horn about being poly on tumblr or plurk ("being poly" has had a huge surge in popularity on the internet so i assume this is what op is talking about, and if not, then w/e it's still relevant to the topic and to this community), you haven't found a mature one who can communicate clearly

can poly relationships work out? sure. but is that the norm? aaabsolutely not, and it doubles back to the type of people who are drawn to poly relationships or the concept of "being poly" in the first place. the insecure, the immature, the selfish, the needy, the avoidant, etc, and all of those negative qualities are an instant death sentence for a poly relationship

no arguments there, i think a huge part of who's doing poly lately are internet wo/man children. your comment makes way more sense if applied toward them. you can't paint all poly relationships with that brush though, and i do know of quite a few relationships that are going strong after many years. usually it's when they have one main significant other, and keep others to the side essentially as fwb.

can relationships work out? sure. but is that the norm? aaabsolutely not

this is equally as true as your statement, though. i don't see anything in your arguments that's both true and unique to poly relationships

sa

(Anonymous) - 2015-10-28 00:34 (UTC) - Expand

this basically outlines literally all of your romantic insecurities

holy shit, anon

+1

anon is projecting hard and acting like ALL poly relationships are the same. jfc calm your tits.

really? monogamy seems like a recipe for emotional disaster to me.

people are recipes for emotional disasters no matter what the circumstances, tbh. at least with poly the agreed-upon rules involve communication and a lack of possessiveness or jealousy, which i have never known to be anything but poison to a relationship

i should clarify that the agreed-upon rules are not always followed, but neither are the agreed-upon rules of any relationship.

da here but i actually tried the poly thing before, and it was nothing but possessiveness and jealousy

shit was legitimately crazy

it's definitely true that it's susceptible to drama and bullshit, but that's because people are. i just don't really buy that either system is inherently superior

lmao you literally just shat all over monogamy one comment up, try again

Re: da

(Anonymous) - 2015-10-29 01:35 (UTC) - Expand

i think there are some people who are... infatuated with the idea of being poly, i guess, but actually aren't cut out for it. i knew someone who tried being in an open relationship with her husband, but when he'd talk to other women she'd hover around and try to intimidate them off and shit

she was just a gigantic emotional wreck who was really into the idea of being "alternative" and "different" but couldn't actually hack being those things when it came down to it

yeah, the person who i gave it a try for was definitely one of those types. saying you're poly and skipping around to different partners is a great way to ignore all the things wrong with your own personal character, i found out, because if one of your partners has a problem with you? who cares about trying to work on it, you can just go hang out with the 3rd/4th/5th member of the group

and i didn't realize it at the time, but if one of us did something the partner we shared didn't like, that partner would talk shit about us to the others. there was just no fucking mature discussion at all and tbh we didn't realize the extent of it because the rest of us weren't very involved with each other

it also sucked because she clearly couldn't manage her time. she'd be super obsessed with one of us for a while and give all of her attention to just that one partner, then all of a sudden you were dropped cold while she was hung up on someone else. there was like no middle ground, it was all or nothing. you'd better be around to give her all the attention she wanted when she wanted it, but by god if you wanted attention when she didn't feel like giving it then you were suddenly a jealous smothering needy terrible person. it was hurtful and annoying as fuck

god i don't miss that shit

i used to think, "w/e floats your boat" as far as poly was concerned. but then i got a co-worker that would bring her drama to work. brought her kids, boyfriends, and all else. had her boyfriends do her job. had her 18 year kid do her job.

so, of course, because she brought her shit to work you ended up hearing about said shit. one boyfriend got arrested. when someone suggested to her to have one of her boyfriends babysit her kids at home and not to bring them with her at least, she'd couldn't. why? because her boyfriend would actually watch porno while babysitting them and wouldn't give a shit if the kids saw it.

another boyfriend moved to a different city to get a better job to support her and her kids. she goes over there, finds out he has a girlfriend over there too, proceeds to lose her shit despite the fact that they claim to be in a poly relationship and he does in fact continue to send money to support her and her kids.

god that was stressful to indirectly deal with simply as her coworker. i can't imagine or understand how people make it work.

holy shit she sounds like she'd be a trainwreck no matter what kind of relationships she tried to have, but i'm sure poly didn't fucking help

The type of relationship is not the problem there...

the thing that really got me about the boyfriend whom she lost her shit at is that none of her kids were even his. they belonged to the other two boyfriends she had. so, even though he was supporting her kids and her with only his high school degree, she still went crazy on him for daring to have a girlfriend even though it was a relationship they agreed to.

still boggles my mind. at least she doesn't work at my job anymore.

To reiterate what a lot of people have said: it's harder to make it work but if the people are willing to put in that work it can be really fulfilling and there's less pressure on any one person because the needs are shared around.The problem is that it's counterculture trendy right now so the wrong people are latching onto it whether or not they're ready for any relationship, much less one with more potential complications.

The sweetest relationship I know is a poly triad. I was really wary at first and they had some Drama when they started but once they worked things out like mature adults they've become an incredible family and support network. I personally tried to be in a poly relationship once and it was a disaster because I felt smothered but having seen a healthy poly relationship I definitely see the appeal. It's just not for me.

I feel like a lot of people think that being in a poly relationship is easier, when it actually is a lot harder to manage. And so most people getting into the poly 'thing' are not going to have a good time, ultimately.

I was in two completely separate poly relationships in the last ten years. The first was a trainwreck, and the second sort of naturally fell apart due to lack of communication from one person.

I think a poly relationship can work but it takes a lot of balancing of everyone's feelings and motivations. You have to be ready for that when you get into it.

as if mono relationships aren't emotional disasters on a regular basis

lmao

exactly

multiply that emotional disaster by the factor of however many people you get in a poly relationship and the math speaks for itself

people already suck at romance in general, more people trying to do the romance thing in a concentrated area just exacerbates the suck that much

#notallpoly

you didn't even try

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