rpanons | What if our blorbos and labubus kissed

What if our blorbos and labubus kissed

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rpanons is an anonymous community for fictional character role-play related topics. This place serves as a forum for game discussions, canon discussions, RP solicitations (ATP, game ads, open memes), and advice. The occasional off topic comment is inevitable, but please keep heated social and political topics to their respective communities. Posting them here will only get them frozen. Subsequent threads made to bypass a freeze will then be deleted.

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How do people even know when others unfriend them unless they make a production of it? I have right around 100 peopled followed and unless it was someone I was actively talking to regularly and rping with I never had a clue who it was when the number on my plurk changes.

Maybe I should pay better attention? Maybe it's why they would unfriend me?

plurk friend number go down. its one of the reasons why i disabled it on my page because if i saw it happen my mind would be fixated on who unfriended me. i was aware it was a dumb thing to get hung up on as 99% of the time it was “oh we hadn’t talked in years, makes sense” but until that happened i would literally comb through my friends list and try to spot who was missing.

it was not healthy at all. i wish i could have your mindset, because rejection sensitive dysphoria sucks ass.

+1 i took it off my page too

it doesn't really matter who unfriended me, i'd just *really* want to know, and it felt unhealthy

How do you take it off your page?

open plurk > customize layouts > customize your profile with even more css

add this:

.dash-segment.dash-segment-friends {display: none;}
.dash-segment.dash-segment-fans {display: none;}

I have <30 people added. Of those, about ten are people who just don't really use plurk/rp, but who I still interact with on other social media (so I know they wouldn't remove me on plurk first). Also, since that leaves such a small number of active people, I am pretty engaged and don't have anyone unfollowed, I expect XYZ people to post their monthly tag count, I know B is plurking about her dog and C has a fundraiser due to life circumstances. When I check plurk I usually only have a few new ones, and then a bunch of regularly updated catch-alls. If those abruptly disappear I notice quickly. It takes me longer to notice a change in number and usually that's because one of my plurk-absent friends deactivated all together.

idk how big op's timeline is, but I've got less than half your friends count so absences are a lot easier to spot

The opposite side of this but several times in the last year or two, when I've left a game, I've unfriended those I don't talk to often. Just wanting to keep my timeline easy to get through, <50. Three times now someone I've unfriended sends me a friend request in an hour or two. Every time they have hundreds of hundreds of people followed. Never happens with someone with a small timeline like mine. How the hell do they know that I unfriended them?

you're probably memorable, and I wouldn't be surprised if some of those people assumed smaller timeline = closer circle of friends = more genuine connection

there is a way to doublecheck who unfriended you. I won't share it here because I don't want to encourage it, but if you're inventive, you can wrangle something up

Ew. I suspected this because of something that happened to me but also just ew. Seriously though dwrp has put way too much emphasis on friending and unfriending on plurk and made it more than it should be.

I see people all the time giving people permission to unfriend or being upset when they find themselves unfriended by one person.

But then I think the culture of dwrp makes dropping games hard for people as well. Not the actual games but the way cr acts when someone drops so that people hesitate until they're annoyed with the game and the cr.

I agree with this comment when it involves players who only ever speak to each other in the context of the game/shared CR/shared fandom, because that would be tied directly to whether or not you're currently RPing together. In this context it should be totally fine to defriend someone and the other party should be cool with it. It was purely a 'business' dynamic, like two co-workers, and parting ways is just how it goes.

Here's the thing though. Some players use Plurk as more than just a tool to speak to other players about RP. Some players develop friendships with others (at least from their own pov) that extends beyond whether or not there's active threading going on. When you're actively talking to someone else about your real life and other shared fandoms, the dynamic has far surpassed its original RP limitations. And then, yes, it does suck if you're suddenly cut off from that other person. Because you aren't just cut off from the RP interactions, but from all other interactions too.

To be clear, unfriending should still be a thing in the second scenario, but a heads up to the other person would be nice, or even a broad 'hey I'll be doing a friends cut soon' announcement beforehand. Or a disclaimer ahead of time that you aren't interested in lasting internet friendships and will keep your Plurk timeline curated to current RP partners only, so the other person knows not to get emotionally invested.

The problem is one person's emotional investment is another person's reason for not being around and unwilling to discuss with them why needed to cut them off cold turkey is needed.

Not wanting to continue dealing with a person doesn't mean they don't want emotional investments; it means that person has taken it too far or left them not wanting to continue things with that one person. Someone who has likely proven a problem if they're not willing to tell them why they're unfriending them.

+0.75

i think this is all true in theory, but in practice humans are going to human. you can put up tons of disclaimers and warnings, but some people are still going to think they're the exception, or just won't read it properly, and get hurt when they find out that their feelings aren't reciprocated.

i believe that we could all just do better at being compassionate to each other and ourselves by trying to remember to balance this hobby with other friendships and social outlets. also by remembering that everyone has different boundaries and expectations for friendships. one person's "i only do this with close friends" might be another person's "i do this with everyone".

+1 i know it's hard to read subtleties and nuance in text, in addition to a not insignificant portion of this population is probably on the spectrum struggling in the first place, but this a healthy mindset to have

>When you're actively talking to someone else about your real life and other shared fandoms,

...they don't get unfriended.

you're crying over imaginary scenarios. nobody unfriends someone whom they chat with all the freaking time, nobody unfriends actual friends, unless the friend suddenly did something assholery.

people who use plurk only for rp don't develop friendships with those who use plurk as more than a tool. they mute the non-rp plurks.

ok cool but this happened to me several times over the past five years or so, so thanks for confirming I was the problem I guess

ayrt

i mean even if i hadn't said that, the fact this happened SEVERAL times to you says you're be the common denominator

but honestly, considering the way you talked in the long comment, i don't think it was because of anything assholery, it sounds like you're the kind of person that thinks everyone on your plurk list is an actual friend because they chatted a couple of times

there's friendly behavior and then there's actual friendships and i think a lot of people confuse the two. commiserating with someone about their real life might be friendly, that does not necessarily make you friends

I am kind to and commiserate with many people who are not my friends, because they are people and being friendly is great. but that doesn't mean we've established a bond through which we are gonna stay on each other's timelines forever.

+1

i'm friendly with my coworkers, but if they left for another job, we probably wouldn't keep in touch because we aren't friends. we chat with each other and sometimes go out for lunch or cocktails but there's no deep emotional investment there, we're just people who happen to work at the same place and enjoy each other's company.

+1 and there have been many, many times that people in online spaces have gotten upset with me because they interpreted friendly behavior as friendship. We really would all do well to remember the difference.

(frozen comment) Re: LETTERS YOU'LL NEVER SEND

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I used to feel like this for years and it just got me hurt, badly and repeatedly. My loving partner, who doesn't DWRP but had a popular fanart twitter for several years, actually sat my autistic ass down to be like "listen these people mostly care about you for the fun you are having together in the moment, they will be nice to you in areas other than RP because you are sharing a space, like being on a sports team or working together, it's fine to make connections over shared interests or RL woes but none of that means you are friends. Which is fine because you have plenty of established friends you love and that should be where your energy goes."

i have a core group of friends outside rp and a loving partner. this place is pretty transactional. know it's harder for others but internalized that, helps me avoid hurting my feelings. if friends come out of this place? great. i have two i've made over the years that are still going strong. if not? whatever

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this is why i play here less and less, tbh. on other rp sites it actually feels like people are interested in the individuals and not just in their tags. i do not like the transactionality aspect at all, it makes me super uncomfortable. am i the only one?