they said flat-out they don't have a permissions post and they never said no noncon-dubcon

you can feel however you want to feel about noncon/dubcon, but if you don't make your feelings known (on your actual journal, not on anon spaces) no one is going to know

so yeah, it's her fault too. you having a hardon for dubcon/noncon players doesn't change that both players in this made the same mistake