rpanons | Trapped in the city of one loo

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I just started an online dating profile and so far chatting with people kind of reminds me of you lot. There's creepy old men, some people who are definitely not what they seem, a needy little dude who keeps sending one-line messages every two minutes, and every so often, a person who quite possibly might be normal.

Anyone done this before and have any tips for weeding out the weirdos?

kill 'em all and let god sort em out

weed out the creepy old men and the desperados who come on hella strong first. the second category might seem sad/nice/pathetic/easy mode but they're the ones who think you owe them something and will turn around and make with the rape threats and slurs in two seconds.

after that, find the ones you wouldn't mind being caught in public with and start chatting.

weed out the ones who send you an unsolicited dick pic unless you're into that, idk your life

if there's anyone left, steer the subject toward hobbies and interests. find some shit you both like to do that's public and do it. make sure you tell somebody where you're going and who you're with just to be safe. maybe arrange for them to call you after an hour or so in case you need an emergency bailout.

red flags: anything even remotely resembling "you're not like all those OTHER girls"
anyone over the age of 21 still hung up about high school shit
moving way too fucking fast (saying those three big wordz on the first date? really, my dude?)
talking about exes
if he live at home with his mama
if he hangs out the passenger side of his best friend's ride tryna holla at you

*words

I have no idea how I did that

other red flags:

whining about the first meeting being in public
trying to take you a second location right away
trying to get you drunk/stoned
negging

Also don't be afraid to make your first date a double date with a couple (married or not doesn't matter, could be people dating for only a few months... just make sure it's people who will be laid back and chill?) If you go this route bring a couple along that you know get good reads on folks, tend to have good senses of humor (in case he gets nervous and makes a joke that's not a strike one level bad but still is cringe worthy) and are okay if you two get caught up talking between yourselves on and off if things go well. Its definitely a RED FLAG if he's against this notion for a first date too since it shouldn't be intense or super personal on an initial meeting plus chemistry with folks important to you matters in relationship longevity.

As for the notion about RED FLAG re: living at home...

So I disagree with this as a blanket statement. There are lots of good reasons to see it as an issue, sure, like avoiding a partner without ambition or who might push moving in with you prematurely. However there are some reasons, like below, to hear out why someone might be at home. I wouldn't SUPPLY the reason for them but I would definitely see what they say and keep you mind open *either* way.

- So if you're living at home too well then its already kind of hypocritical/irrelevant because you know why there are good reasons people live with family (IE they're roommates you already know.)

- They pay rent and it helps the parents out who might be broke, in a bad health spot, or just charge fairly and why move when you have landlords you know rather than ones your dont. For the record, many people will never, ever out their parents woes to a stranger so if he did that IS a red flag and a sympathy bid and the guy is probably a manipulative creep.

- Depending on your age and location, living at home might not be a huge red flag? There are areas of the country where it is just unreasonable, even with a $50,000 a year job or more, to live solo and live in nice, decent middle class housing (especially if you pay student loans, a car payment, car insurance, retirement, and lets say you want to buy a place to eventually get out of renting too?) Some people would rather live at home than have their own place they don't even like. ...Here's a tangible example. Two people I know graduated college with law degrees. They were living at home for the last year and a half to save the $$ to buy a condo rather than rent. Let's hypothetically say living together made them realize noooope hate each other and they broke up so he ends up back with his parents. It's reasonable in an area like NYC, Seattle, LA, San Fran, Atlanta etc to move home because its NUTSO expensive to live alone. Let's say also its a year or more after the breakup lol so you're not a rebound. And he might not have looked for roomies yet or hasn't been able to find working professionals and doesn't want to rent in a college region or with younger folk etc. Many well employed men and women do not advertise income etc on dating sites early on because they don't want to be scammed/deal with gold diggers so if he's polite, nice, you can tell he's legitimate about his work and he mentions not finding roommates to his liking? Theres a very good chance he just doesn't want to advertise the level of income bracket housing he's looking for to a girl he hasn't met.

maybe anon don't want no scrubs

yooooooo shut that pua shit down FAST, ladies

if he tries to ~catch you off guard~ with a mild insult he's either socially inept or actual human garbage or both

get out of there pronto

not all cultures immediately try to move out in adulthood, that's very western-centric

but hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride tryna holla at you, absolutely

don't be afraid to initiate contact first and/or lay out message expectations somewhere in your profile. I managed to weed out some (not all, because of course) of the shit by stating clearing that I was not going to respond to one line messages/messages that were just "hey how are you."

Trapped in the city of one loo

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