rpanons | Found the token ace

Found the token ace

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"a pile of clothes? must be my new bed!"

"mom got up out of bed to pee? must be my new bed!"

"mom got out of her chair to grab a snack? must be my new bed!"

it doesn't have to be warm (eg laundry), he'll lie on dirty laundry on someone's bedroom floor

'my doggy dick belongs in mom's pussy'

you and your son of a bitch can stay out of my thread

keep it to the kink threads

I have always thought it was a little creepy when people refer to their pets as their children and call themselves mom on their behalf. Like, it's better than master, but it's still weird.

honestly i think master is better

mom has some really weird overtones. and frankly you are closer to a dog's owner than their mother, both in terms of how you interact with them and in terms of how you're expected to treat them.

some of us don't plan on procreating and we want something to baby

it's the closest our parents will get to grandchildren

no matter how bootyblistered my mom gets that i won't go out and get preggo just so she can have a cute human grandbaby that i'll have to foot the bills for

I mean, they're small creatures that people love and want to take care of. They're not the same as children, of course, and I don't think most people think they really are. I certainly don't, and no matter how much I love my dogs if I had a kid I'm sure that I'd love them a lot more than any pet I've ever had. I think for most people it's a cutesy nickname for their animals more than anything.

That said though I know calling pets children can be really annoying to a lot of people, so it seems like something you might want to use more sparingly than some people do.

"I wanted a snack and my bowl is empty. FAMINE AND DEATH IS UPON ME!

GET UP GET UP, THE BOWL IS EMPTY, IT'S A DISASTER!

Wait, you're filling it with that food? Ew, I don't like that food. What do you mean that's the food that always goes in that bowl? What do you mean I'll get canned food at bedtime? You're a monster. That's hours away and I'm going to die of hunger right now.

Where are you going?

COME BACK COME BACK, THE BOWL IS FULL OF FOOD I DON'T LIKE AS MUCH AS THE OTHER FOOD, IT'S A DISASTER...."

omg

exactly my cat for the past 2 months

you've never had a problem with this food and i still have half a bag to go through. fuck you, it is expensive and you will EAT IT

Yeah, my cat was perfectly happy with only dry food, then I added in some wet food treats at breakfast and bedtime to make sure he was getting enough water and suddenly giving him dry food is cause for Serious Complaint because he was begging for the GOOD stuff.

It's true what they say: dogs have masters, cats have staff.

I also like: cats were revered in Ancient Egypt; they haven't forgotten it.

Re: da

(Anonymous) - 2016-01-07 17:51 (UTC) - Expand

Don't forget "I can see the BOTTOM of my bowl it is COMPLETELY EMPTY"

"STARVATION IS IN VIEW. FIX IT, PRIMATE COMPANION"

"There's nearly a cup of dry food piled around the sides of this bowl. Did you just eat straight down in the middle until you hit bottom?"

"I SAID IT WAS IN VIEW. CAN'T YOU SEE IT"

"Stop yelling. You have tons of food left."

"YOU ARE BLIND AS WELL AS STUPID"

"[shakes bowl]"

"FOOD HAS APPEARED AS IF BY MAGIC MUST DEVOUR AS FAST AS POSSIBLE"

"That's what I thought. You're fine. I'm getting back on the computer now."

"HAVING ASSUAGED MY HUNGER I WILL NOW GO REGURGITATE LIGHTLY USED CAT KIBBLE ON YOUR FAVORITE CHAIR"

"GODDAMMIT--"

"YOU DOUBTED THE CAT"

"NO NOT THERE--"

"[retching noise]"

"You're the worst."

"STARVATION IS IN VIEW AGAIN"

i loled, as someone who has dealt with and owned cats.

so true

"Why are you getting out of the bed? I'm comfortable snuggled up to you and you woke me!"

"Are you awake yet, so we can chase each other all over the house?" (Have two cats)

"You're sitting at your computer, time to pet me! For twenty minutes."

that the cruelest trick humans ever played on cats was to invent a nice, warm box with little things that zip around the screen that cats are not allowed to sleep on or hit.

and then we compounded this cruelty by letting the box occupy our laps when the cats want to occupy our laps

the runner-up for cruelty is that cats are not allowed to assist with knitting, sewing or crochet

"wake up wake uppppp wake up the sun has risen it's a new day let's nap together but wake uppp where's my chainsaw oh that's right it's in my throat" and then he purrs in fucking dolby surround sound

"i'm fabulous and unflappable and classy and cute and OH MY GOD IS THAT GRAVEL RUB IT ALL OVER MY BACK LIKE NIVEA WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING BLISSSSSS oh i didn't see you there i was just grooming my fur with the driveway"

and the one that's never seen during the day: "must go darker, must go darker"

fucking adorable

the first one is really annoying on paper but actually kind of useful irl. i've fallen asleep without setting my alarm only to have him bat my face at 7am and save me from my narcoleptic self. that's like 1 out of every 10 times but still. plus he's an excellent snuggle puddle. it's hard to stay mad.

"That's a nice shirt you have on. It would be a shame if someone were to poop on your back where you can't see."

I learned my lesson.

"You bought me a cheap scratching post! I'm going to use your chair instead!"

"It's 4 am, perfect time to perform a concerto of meows! Silly human, what do you need to sleep for anyway?"

"What do you mean you don't want to hear my dulcet Siamese tones at three am in the echoing master bathroom?"

"You expect me to drink out of a dish that the dog did earlier? Fresh water, human!"

"Maybe I didn't make this clear. I am the Great Siamese Cat. You are the human who pets me until I get tired of it. You will know when I am tired of it by the attempted bite or scratch. Until then, commence petting."

Cat: HELLO HUMAN. I am nearly half the size of your entire torso and I MUST LOUNGE ON YOUR CHEST LIKE IT IS MINE.

What's that? You want me to move? Allow me to stabilize myself with my RAZOR SHARP CLAWS and explain to you why that's a bad idea.

No, I don't care if you can't breath.

By the way.

PET ME.

breathe

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Found the token ace

THINGS YOUR PETS PROBABLY THINK

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da

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