rpanons | Stares out over the ocean

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i actually have bipolar ii with hypomania too and i've been wanting to quit taking my meds. imho i'm not going to die if i don't take them so i don't see the point in wasting money and putting crap in my body i don't need. sucky thing is that my parents and my therapist are strict when it comes to taking meds. they ask me almost every day if i do

how have you been doing anon? is it any different?

i feel like i need to swoop in here and say NO DO NOT GO OFF YOUR MEDS FOOL

you are not going to feel okay if you go off them because for one you're going to have to deal with rebound depression (WHICH FUCKING SUCKS LET ME TELL YOU) and there's a reason you were put on them to begin with

if they're not working well talk to your doctor and try something else but holy shit do not go off them

any adverse effects they may be causing? chances are the damage depression does to your body is worse because suicide and accidental deaths aside we still don't tend to live as long as the rest of the population because stress and depression have a strong effect on your physical health and that can be long-term

and honestly you may think you'll be okay but you're looking at it with meds in your system and they are having an effect whether you're noticing it or not and we (humans) tend to forget what it was like before. a lot of bipolar people do this at some point and it bites you in the ass so hard. you have to remember this is a condition you will have til the day you die. it's not transient like unipolar depression can be. you have to stay on meds because it's not going away and it can and will make you suicidal at some point (and yeah that can still happen with meds but if they're working it's pretty infrequent)

basically just don't do it and try to find something more effective if your meds aren't helping enough

-signed bipolar anon who foolishly did this TWICE never again

i should preface this by saying taking medication and sticking to medication is always the number one thing you should pursue when it comes to bi-polar in any regard. period. i say this because people rarely if ever have the foresight or understanding of self to know how to deal with their down time in a way that's not destructive or even see it coming. while hypomania isn't as bad as others and tbh feels almost like a blessing with how much you get done, it's still Not Normal For Your Body so to speak. the crash will come and sometimes it will hit you harder than you realize (see: almost always).

that being said, i am hypervigilant about my moods. i am always trying to stay one step ahead if not three of myself emotionally. it's not easy at all and means i spend a lot of time analyzing my behavior, asking myself why did i do that, why was my impulse to do that, why did i chose to act on said impulse when i know it's not good for me (usually to do with food at this point), etc. you have to be absolutely critical with yourself and 100% unbiased (meaning, when you're tearing yourself up and throwing yourself into a hole, you have to also have the wherewithal to also real talk yourself, let yourself know it's not as bad as you think it is and you're fine and you did nothing wrong, etc). and, frankly, it's not always effective. i can still sink into deep and shitty depressive episodes. i can still become victim to my stupid impulsive behavior (usually only harmful to myself, again usually to do with food or material things). i've found though, i'm most effective while having strict routine. mine being working and sleeping at the same time every day. having that kind of scheduling that i'm rigid with doesn't really allow my mind to wander. i engage myself with "neutral" things-- sudoku, crosswords, etc, that make my brain stimulate itself without going anywhere emotionally as often as possible. playing mindless things like phone app games helps too.

overall? i feel very self aware, i can see my shifts in mood coming like a weatherman and i know what coping mechanisms i can do that aren't unhealthy that can get me through everything. i feel mostly in control with the understanding that some things are out of my hands but i have the tools to deal with those things as they come. i'm at a point where i feel like i'm successfully working with my depression rather than against it which is the number one thing i learned to help me outside of medication. most days i feel very happy and very in control. i have less out of body moments, i have less spontaneous crashes and i don't feel so numbed by the medicines that i was taking-- which were doing exactly what they were supposed to-- i just personally did not like it. and that's dangerous to say or feel, tbh. just see the very valid response above.

to be very honest, i had to sit myself down and really lay out the pros and cons and make myself aware that if i'm choosing between "crazy or stable" so to speak, because if feel more alive choosing "crazy" (i should say i do not in any way consider anyone with bpii including myself as crazy btw) then i have to accept that there will be times that are bad and i have to prepare for them. i can't hold anyone else accountable for that decision. i have to take full responsibility for myself. no excuses, no lies, all integrity. if you can accept those terms without feeling some pull back from yourself ("well it's not always my fault..." etc) then be practical and do what you feel you can. otherwise, fucking abort mission. period. do not move forward.

simply, i chose crazy. i chose feeling everything i feel in hidef because that's how it feels to me. embracing that awful thing in me that feels so deeply because it made me express myself so much better. sleepless nights because i'm too manic, getting ridiculous amounts of work done because i'm so hyper focused and taking insanely long naps because hypomania makes you a literal sloth-- worth it, honestly. i have no doubt i could've found myself equally happy staying on medication and i will say that. i'm not trying to advocate that you will always be happier off because i know for a fact i'm sort of an oddball in this. a lot of the way i grew up gave me a lot of self-therapy and a lot of self awareness that many people do not have the tools for or the insight to even start to understand.

and that's okay.

just do what makes you healthiest first and happiest second.

tl;dr -- it is different. it's very difficult. it involves a lot of honesty and self evaluation, but it's possible. just have your ducks in a real goddamn row before you do it and do not by any means make anyone else responsible for your decision to un-medicate yourself. my first suggestion is: don't do it, honestly but if you do be prepared for everything that comes with having a lifelong mental illness.

Stares out over the ocean

Re: person with unmedicated bi-polar ii

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