rpanons | Make a Life Upgrade to Sony's PlayStation!

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i wanna talk to anons from dysfunctional families who now have very limited or no contact with them

how is that working out for you now?

do you think you missed out on a lot growing up?

is it difficult for you to relate to people who have had a relatively healthy upbringing?

i'll answer my own questions later

how's it working out? - much better, i feel like a person with actual freedoms now. it gave me time and distance to look back and gain perspective and now i feel mostly kind of sorry for them, but not enough to care. i can see why they turned out this way, which is unfortunate, but i can also see them actively choosing to excuse their behaviors and such so i don't have much sympathy for them. it gave me a lot of closure.

do i think i missed out? - at times, yeah, at others, no, because i'm catching up now. i still have a whole life to experience these things, after all.

is it difficult for me to relate to others with healthy upbringings? - personally, no. my experiences gave me a great deal of empathy for others and i don't feel much jealousy or difficulty with these things now. jerks can have the best upbringings too, so it's really just a matter of if they're a good person or not vs how they were brought up.

shitty. i can't trust anyone and human relationships are difficult on a personal level.

yup. when my mother wasn't dragging me to her current guys' houses for the night or having me buy her pills, i was either verbally abused or fearing she might commit suicide. we were evicted left and right and there was no normalcy, so i missed out on being a child.

there isn't a moment where i don't feel inadequate to other people. i have no real mother or father - maybe by biology - but they were never there, so i feel left out whenever someone mentions their childhood or parents. yeah, i can have a good life and be a good person without parents, but i easily disconnect from people.

limiting contact was the best thing i could've done for myself tbh. i'm much happier and more mentally healthy without the bad patterns to drag me down. i stay in touch only enough to know if something is going really wrong, like health issues. beyond that it's a sense of freedom i never had before. i'd make the same decision again in a heartbeat.

in a way, yes, but it's not something i think about a lot anymore. i've reached a level of acceptance that my childhood was fucked up but that it doesn't have to define who i am or what i do as an adult. i didn't magically come to this understanding. it took a lot of hard work in therapy first.

i feel like i don't really understand them when they talk about how great their parents are or want to talk to them about everything. i especially feel disconnected from people at the holidays because they've never been special times for me. they were always stressful and full of lots of arguing and yelling. i've never had that kind of bond with my parents or other family so it just seems weird to me to want to depend on someone else to that degree. also i don't share anything with my parents because they're never supportive if i do. all they want to do is nitpick and tear me down. i've learned basically to be my own emotional support instead.

- for the most part, good, although i have a lot of mental health issues i'm trying to resolve. but i have a certain amount of autonomy and living with people who genuinely care and can express that. i'm never alone, even if sometimes i wish i had more solitude. i never feel like my privacy is being invaded, though, which was a big thing when i was younger.

- i went through a period of being deeply envious of other people because there were opportunities that came up that i couldn't go for due to something family-related, or just being fucking poor. going to a school full of rich people (scholarships and loans yay) just twisted the knife even more. i felt alienated and inferior pretty much all of the time and wasted a lot of brainspace wishing i'd had things better and indulging in escapism rather than trying to work with what i had, just because dealing with the reality of my situation was just that exhausting and depressing.

- sometimes, yes, if only because i don't like talking about my family, where i've come from, and was previously in the habit of lying hard and continuously to cover things up. i admire/envy people who can verbally and emotionally express themselves without difficulty as much as i find them unfathomable. i'm happy for them, too! but i can only ever really talk about how i feel in writing, and even that much is hard.

it's really really difficult. i think i missed out on a hell of a lot and i find it almost impossible to relate to people. i hate hearing about people's personal lives tbh because i just get so fucking jealous and i feel like shit for it but i can't help it. i try my best not to think about it and i keep hoping i get better but sometimes i just think i'm an unhelpable ruined person and maybe it's impossible.

ugh.

i could have written this

thanks anon

hang in there yourself too

i totally understand where you're coming from

you're not ruined, anon. have a hug from me too

If anything I'm a little envious of people who had normal upbringings. Mostlly I'm grateful that someone has had a happy upbringing. Because of my mom's disorder, it's been (and still is) really hard for me to know if my reactions to situations are normal or whether I should have a reaction at all.

I had a breakthrough not long ago. I had taken my young niece with me to visit my mom who, true to form, began one of her episodes of threatening to kill herself, blaming everyone she knows for her problems, etc., etc.

I found my niece crying quietly in the dark. See, she hadn't known her grandmother was like this. All at once I realized, I was the youngest of my siblings. There hadn't been anyone to take me away when my mom got bad. I had been powerless to help myself back then, but I wasn't powerless any longer. I had the power to get my niece out of that situation.

So I did, despite my mother crying and tugging at me and begging us not to leave. I felt...free.

- It's working out great, but I think the reason for that is that I'm lucky enough to have a supportive partner who helped me get away from my family in the first place. We've moved across the country and now the only contact I have with my family is on my own terms. I pull back when I have to and leave them to their own shit. I've learned I can't fix them and they'll only drag me down if I try. It's a strategy I've utilized in a lot of toxic friendships, as well.

- I'm sure that I did. But I also think I gained things that other people didn't. I had to learn to rely on myself at a young age, which got me to skip ahead in school and start my own life a lot earlier than others my age. Life isn't roses and I still suffer from PTSD and all the related crap, but I have a backbone that I notice is lacking in a lot of people I meet, and I can't help but think it's because they've lived an easier life.

- It isn't easy for me to relate to anyone. I've put a lot into working past my paranoia and general distrust of strangers. I have to consciously remind myself that the people I meet probably aren't out to hurt me. I have to avoid opening up about my history because things always get awkward once people hear my story. But I don't resent people for having a life that was different than mine. I tend to think others are hiding the darker aspects of their history, too. And even if people have different causes and reasons for their pain, we're all human and we have the same basic experiences. So I try to relate to and empathize with people on that more emotional level rather than focusing on the experiential.

I could've written this word-for-word.

Aye, aye. This is near my experience as well. Although, I have completely cut ties with my family because I have no time for toxicity or abuse anymore.

Thank god for fucking supportive partners, man.

Make a Life Upgrade to Sony's PlayStation!

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hugs tight

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