are you talking mostly online or rl friends? either way, i'm sorry you're not having any luck building up good friendships, anon :C i was in that place for a while, and was always wondering if there was something wrong with me, or if i was just so out of practice being friend with people that i didn't know how to do it anymore. but after a while, i found some people i really clicked with, and it's been great since then.
having good friends is... a super fantastic feeling. i live with a lot of my closest friends right now (tho not all of them), and it's like... always having someone to chat up about whatever stupid fucking thing comes up in my head, and maybe they'll laugh at me or maybe we'll end up talking about it for hours late into the night and then we check our clocks and HOW DID IT GET TO 3 AM WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING KINGDOM HEARTS. it's cuddling on couches and trying to pick a videogame to play together, or a movie to watch, and calling each other names for their terrible taste in games/movies, having people you can drag along for random adventures when you feel like it-- or being comfortable enough with each other to say no thanks, pass, not feeling like adventuring today without any hard feelings on either side. you see something they might like, and take a picture to save for them later, you know what kinds of foods they like and don't like, and make a shared dinner keeping that in mind, you know their foibles and they know yours, so you try to be considerate for each other, but also being able to criticize them and tell them to step off when they're going overboard. it's laughing a lot with and at each other over stupid shit, and knowing that if you really really needed it, they'd drop all their shit to help you out, and you'd do the same for them.
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having good friends is... a super fantastic feeling. i live with a lot of my closest friends right now (tho not all of them), and it's like... always having someone to chat up about whatever stupid fucking thing comes up in my head, and maybe they'll laugh at me or maybe we'll end up talking about it for hours late into the night and then we check our clocks and HOW DID IT GET TO 3 AM WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING KINGDOM HEARTS. it's cuddling on couches and trying to pick a videogame to play together, or a movie to watch, and calling each other names for their terrible taste in games/movies, having people you can drag along for random adventures when you feel like it-- or being comfortable enough with each other to say no thanks, pass, not feeling like adventuring today without any hard feelings on either side. you see something they might like, and take a picture to save for them later, you know what kinds of foods they like and don't like, and make a shared dinner keeping that in mind, you know their foibles and they know yours, so you try to be considerate for each other, but also being able to criticize them and tell them to step off when they're going overboard. it's laughing a lot with and at each other over stupid shit, and knowing that if you really really needed it, they'd drop all their shit to help you out, and you'd do the same for them.