i hate that i am so good at not killing myself and at am so careful about other peoples feelings that no one helps me or even acts concerned when i ask for help because we all know that i'm not actually at risk and that eventually i will pull through. i hate i cant self harm or attempt suicide because i know that people will see it and feel guilty or say i'm "just" doing it for attention as if that negates the feelings that made me do it. i DO want attention, i want someone to try to help me before i get to this point instead of ignoring it because i'll pull through. it doesn't make it hurt any less until i do, it doesn't make me not feel like peeling off all my skin to know that eventually if i wait it out i'll be ok. i hate that i have no outlets to ask for help besides posting anon because Eventually It Will Pass and i will feel so guilty for asking for help or some kind of acknowledgement that i exist and that THings Are Bad. a fb friend of mine had an internet friend who committed suicide recently and she got like 5k from the internet to fly to his funeral on another continent and just like, where the fuck were you when he was alive? why are people indulging this? do you know how many suicidal people could be helped for that much money? how many lives could be saved? nope, gotta buttpatt the person who is still around and "brave" enough to ask strangers for money to fund their vacation.