i agree 100%. i am trans, and i hate a lot of trans headcanons because...like... i don't want to be trans? i'd be a cis person of my gender if i could. needing to imagine a character going through all the same shit i do is really just very uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing for me. it's like a bad reminder being thrown in my face. it makes me less able to just kick back and enjoy something because now it's got all these nasty feelings and reminders tacked onto it.

i'm convinced a lot of people who come up with trans headcanons are so far removed from what being trans is actually like that they don't consider how pushing that stuff onto a character could negatively affect the people who see it.